


Overwhelmed

by Besaster



Series: As Long As We Know The Truth [1]
Category: FCW, Professional Wrestling, WWE, World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Bullying, Depression, Drama, Explicit Language, Explicit recreational drug use, F/M, FCW - Freeform, Further characters and tags to be added as story goes on, Harassment, How does fame affect somebody who doesn't want it?, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Marijuana, NXT - Freeform, Panic Attacks, Paranoia, Please read each chapter notes for WARNINGS, Recreational Drug Use, Sexual content under the influence of drugs, Shield Reunion, Violence, WWE - Freeform, Where is the line between privacy and public life?, difficult conversations, fan harassment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-26
Updated: 2017-11-18
Packaged: 2019-01-23 18:55:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 32,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12514140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Besaster/pseuds/Besaster
Summary: After years of having fans asking for a Shield reunion, finally the WWE pulled the trigger on the reunion once they realized how over Dean and Seth were as a tag team. It was supposed to be an epic moment for the three wrestlers.Dean Ambrose would never admit on the multiple interviews he went through that day and would go through the next day that for him it was overwhelming to say the least.The first part of the As Long As We Know The Truth series will explore how media and fan pressure can affect a public figure. But what's real? What's not? How does it affect somebody like Dean, who stays away from social media and public appearances but can't stop them from invading his life? How does he deal with the abuse Renee receives? Does anyone care at all?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be a long road! I must say that I've never written any fan fiction before but I'm no strange to writing.  
> This fic popped into my mind as a character study after reading an interview on a website the same day I watched the Raw with the Shield reunion. The idea wouldn't leave me alone and it gave me a lot to think about. I actually sat down and wrote a very rough draft of it that I never intended on posting anywhere. However it kept going around in circles in my mind and I knew I had to re-read said draft and it just grew into this first part.  
> It organically grew to the point that my mind flowed with ideas for a second part which is yet to be written since it kind of conflicts me to do so (you'll get it as the story goes on). Overwhelmed will finally be 3-4 chapters long and they will be up fast since they're just pending my picky edition.
> 
> Apologies for my tags being vague, they will be added as the story progresses. I just don't want to give up what's coming! ;)  
> EXTRA apologies for the formatting, it looks horrible once moved here from Word. I'll keep trying to fix it.
> 
> Please read with an open mind and remember that this is just fiction. Thanks for your time!
> 
> IMPORTANT: Cursive is for flashbacks. Bonus tip, flashbacks are partial scenes of what will come on Part 2 of As Long As We Know The Truth!  
> Chapter warnings: Explicit recreational drug and alcohol use, talk about depression, harassment, crude language and graphic death threats.

**Monday, October 9th, 2017**

Day

 

The Shield's reunion on Monday Night Raw was supposed to be a sweet, memorable moment for the three members of the unit. Fans had been demanding them to get back together for years and finally, the WWE pulled the trigger on the reunion once they realized how over Dean and Seth were as a tag team.

If that angle had worked so well, reuniting the three hounds of justice had money written all over it on a neon sign and capital letters. And it was also an obvious attempt to get Roman over in time for the main event of Wrestlemania.

Dean Ambrose would never admit on the multiple interviews he went through that day and would go through the next day that for him it was overwhelming to say the fucking least.

Emotions threatened to overtake him from the moment the first call made his phone ring and vibrate like crazy. Dean could barely register Renee's voice from the bathroom telling him to answer his phone, she was already getting ready to go have breakfast before her work journey started.

He had gotten to the hotel past 1 AM and it had taken him a good couple hours to relax and finally fall asleep after a long flight and a four-hour drive after performing all weekend so he was already exhausted.

Sleepy blue eyes attempted to flutter open and quickly shut again when the sunlight entering the room plus all the lights Renee had turned on hit him. Dean slapped himself a couple times and cleared his throat before he blindly reached for his phone on the nightstand. It was 8:47 AM. "Fuck." he rasped and finally tapped on the answer button to get rid of the first international call of the day. Some Australian podcast.

This was one of his least favorite parts of his job, going through several short phone interviews where the same questions were repeated again and again to start a day he didn't feel ready for. He gave random, vague responses he didn't even think through and a couple heated sentences to hype the next Raw show.

At some point and already out of bed, he drank a cold coffee that Renee brought him almost an hour ago before she left to go to the arena and prepare for the show. The accompanying omelet was cold and felt like it was made of plastic instead of eggs, tasting not much better than the brick-like toast next to it on the plate. He chewed on it all in a hurry between questions anyway.

_Are we going to see a Shield reunion tonight? Are you speaking to Roman again after the pie incident? Are you worried that Seth is going to betray you again? How does it feel to be reunited with him again? You trust him? What does Renee think about this, is she excited for you?_

Just before 12 PM, he hung up the last promotional call of the morning.

After checking out of his hotel room, he sat on one of the modern chairs in the hall and waited for Seth to come down, and the fucker took forever as usual. "Don't know how the fuck you take so long to get ready if your hair still looks like a rats nest. Dude, seriously." He chuckled at the exasperated sigh from his teammate, who mouthed a very clear ' _Fuck you_ ' while glaring at him.

"Said the one who's bald as fu-" was his friend's greeting, which he didn't even bother to finish as he approached the reception to do his own check-out while carrying way more suitcases than a guy could need for a four day period.

_"One of these days you gonna go bald man, dying your hair every couple weeks like a girl." Dean teased leaning against the bathroom door frame, his weight supported by his elbow. "Already looks like a cheap whore's you know? Those who will do you a full service for 10 bucks and come in their ass fo-." He barely dodged the empty bleach bottle aiming to hit his face. "How much would you charge me for a-" The heavy wooden brush he wasn't able to dodge in time and hit him straight on the nose. "Fuck!!! Don't PMS on me dude." He said rubbing his hand against his nose but he couldn't help but grin amidst the pain. "That fucking hurts."._

_"And you deserve every bit of it." A proud smirk replaced the initial annoyance on Seth's features. "Sucks but you gotta stand out somehow man. I'm not some huge Samoan and if there's anything you can find in WWE it's dark long-haired dudes. What would you do if you were in my position?"_

_Dean's laughter echoed in the room. "I'd just wrestle in my jeans." He ran his hands over his chest and waist seductively, unable to stop snickering. "People would miss this body, but isn't that what that personal branding shit is all about?"_

_Seth snorted and shook his head as he stood up from his seat on the bathtub's border to start the water, needing to wash the dye off already. "The worst part of it is that you'd probably get away with it and guys all over the world will wanna save the world in a pair of fucking jeans." He teased before dropping his butt on the toilet seat and dodged the hotel soap Dean threw at him. "C'mere Deano." he gestured his friend to come closer. "Check for any missing patches?"_

_Dean scrunched his nose when the smell of the bleach mix was just below him. "Gonna accuse you of attempted murder man, that fucking stinks…" he muttered but still bent down and lifted some strands with his fingers, inspecting the job. "Nah, you'll be fine, just bald soon." he muttered before going straight to wash his hands._

_Seth just rolled his eyes and rose wordlessly to go towards the bathtub. "You know karma is a fucking bitch do ya?" He bent over and started washing the dye off, but Dean could tell by the way his body was shaking that he was trying not to laugh out loud. A comfortable silence set for a while in the room until the running water stopped. "Besides, who're you to talk? If there's someone fucking balding in here it's you, your hairline is all over the internet dude."_

_If it was_ only _his hairline the fucking internet talked about…_  

_It was just the start of the Shield back then._

 

Dean shook the memory away and allowed himself to grin for a moment. It immediately turned into a low chuckle as he watched how Seth quickly removed the elastic band holding his hair together. While the receptionist assisted him, long fingers raked through the dark wavy mane to tie it up again in an even messier high bun than before. "Mmmm yeah that's it, now instead of a rats nest it's some kind of hairy dog rat was rolled around your hair. Good job kiddo!"

Ambrose rose to his feet and grabbed his backpack and suitcase before Seth had a chance to reply to his banter. Both had spotted their producer, who was making signals for them to leave. They had a day full of events and appearances ahead of them.

***

The day didn't get any easier.

When they finally got to the arena, Dean was a dangerous mix of exhausted and on edge at the same time.

Once all performers were at the arena, Dean and Seth went into the stage to rehearse the opening segment for the night's show. Roman, Sheamus, Cesaro and The Miz were there already, hearing the instructions and trying to memorize the bullet points they'd been given by the writer in charge. Something was wrong there, but Dean was too tired to stop and give it any further thought.

They built the segment and made modifications and little changes until the writer was happy with the result and then they all headed to catering to have a late lunch.

Laughter welcomed them there as all performers and workers had formed a circle around Goldust, who had a bright yet sad smile plastered on his lips. He was telling some Dusty stories and was handing slices of a huge birthday cake. Of course, he was honoring his father as his birthday would have been in a couple days.

It was always weird, how everybody had a lump in their throat backstage but the memories were just too fond and they all knew that what he would have wanted was this, to be remembered with a smile. Dusty was as missed as he was loved especially by those who worked with him on developmental. 

Dean took the slice he was given and looked around to find himself a seat after patting Goldust on the shoulder and flashing him a smile. Seth and Roman followed him shortly to the table he picked and they ate in silence, all of them nervous for different reasons.  

His gaze roamed from one teammate to the other. The three members of the Shield couldn't be any more different.

Roman's attention was solely focused on his food until he finished the last bite, then he sat back on his chair and before he could open his mouth to talk he had to go back to answering phone interviews. He was chill but his face and body language showed he was very nervous about the reunion.

Seth on the other hand, looked absorbed by some game he was playing on his phone and cursed whenever he lost, going back to pick on his food whenever there was a pause on it and chewing absently as he dived back into the game. He was obviously distracted and he would probably keep building up tension as the clock kept ticking.

Dean didn't feel hungry at all, but just ate silently, trying to relax in the comfortable silence between them all and barely paying any attention to the buzz and noise in the catering room.

His peace didn't last long, as the rest of the afternoon would be spent trying to comfort Renee.

 

She received all kind of disturbingly sick death threats and insults on a daily basis, but the backlash she was getting after sharing a funny picture with Dolph Ziggler on Instagram a few days before had escalated to the point where the word 'unacceptable' couldn't quite cover it. So much that he found himself paralyzed by anger when Seth and Cesaro found and dragged him to the make-up stand, where the Glam Squad and a few other superstars were trying their best to deal with her finally breaking down.

Everything seemed to be getting out of hand and they still had to get out there and perform, face the WWE universe again and hope they wouldn't turn on them for joining Roman again. 

It was supposed to be a fantastic day, but Dean was overwhelmed.

Because wrestling may be fake but the struggles, the exhaustion and what the performers put themselves through are so real that sometimes it was just too much at the end of the day. Sacrificing their relationships, their safety, their future. While wrestlers acted following a script, the energy in every arena, the crowds, the noise, the lights, the breathing, the bumps, the pain and soreness they felt all day long were real, very real.

The heartbreak, the loneliness, the physical and emotional pain that wasn't showed onscreen were fucking real. The woman in his arms struggling to gasp for air as she sobbed uncontrollably was fucking real.

Unfortunately for them, some fans were unable to tell between what was real and what wasn't and they had feared for their lives more than once due to obsessed fans stalking and attacking them. They had endured aggressions, stalking, insults, stalking their families and partners…

And Dean was fucking scared that one day something would happen to Renee. She didn't deserve that shit. Nobody did.

Some people said it came with the salary and being a public figure. The cost of fame.

Following their logic, if a woman wore a short skirt would it be ok to rape her because her clothes weren't making it a difficult task? Just because you appear on tv on a weekly basis, does it mean people have a right to open your trash can, trespass your house, follow you wherever the fuck you go? If they had public jobs, did it mean they should shut the fuck up and be ok with people hacking their phones and computers and sharing their private pictures, information or conversations?

 

As the people who had gathered around Renee left them alone for privacy, Dean noticed that Seth lingered there, looking conflicted and like he wanted to say something.

It was a very important night for Seth and Dean knew it.

He couldn't help the guilt from creeping up his spine and settle on his throat, aware that this wasn't fair, that his friend deserved to enjoy this, the last stage of his 'Redesign, Rebuild, Reclaim' slogan. Seth fell down from the top of the world, burned to the ground.

Rollins had worked so hard to come back to the ring after his injury, kept kayfabe as much as he could as he continued hiding his friendship with his Shield teammates, struggled with the slow, sometimes plain shit booking that led to his feud with Triple H until it finally grew organically and exploded in Wrestlemania. He'd endured the backlash received again after injuring Finn Balor during their match for the Universal Championship, night after night of no reactions at all from the crowd and the boos and disinterest from fans during his feud with Bray Wyatt.

While he was still over during his turn, the reactions to his new babyface persona weren't good enough and his career was lacking direction. And then, finally, after a plot swerve nobody had seen coming, a smirking Jimmy Jacobs informed them they were going to work together again, but this time it would be a story of redemption, of forgiveness.

Things started to change when WWE hinted to the fans that they were going to carry a new storyline that would end up with them crowned as tag team champions at SummerSlam. It felt amazing and absolutely overwhelming, the crowd reactions and the energy of the moment. Dean felt so excited about it that it had calmed him somehow, it felt right and he was back to having exciting matches and a storyline that motivated him. 

Then it only took a few weeks for them to be informed that Vince had decided to add the struggling to get over Roman to the mix and reform the Shield to try and shift the crowd reactions coming this way, trying to rebuild him as what Vince McMahon wanted in time for a huge feud against Brock Lesnar on the road to Wrestlemania. Which brought them to that week's show.

Blue eyes pleaded helplessly at Seth for something Ambrose wasn't even sure what it was. Seth bit on his lower lip and looked down at Dean apologetically before he turned around and left the area, allowing the couple some privacy. He didn't need to speak for Dean to know that the hint of guilt on his gaze came from having read the messages and seem the pictures that hurt Renee so deeply.

Dean felt at a loss of words, boiling with anger as he held his wife. She insisted he took a look at them, unable to form any full words between sobs. He took the phone from her hand, keeping a protective arm around her shoulders and holding her close as he scrolled through some of the comments and messages full of bile and threats until he couldn't take it anymore upon seeing a picture of an actual corpse and blocked her phone's screen.

Half of these messages called her a whore as the smallest insult she would receive and the rest was divided between ' _He's fucking Seth/Roman/me his only true love_ ' and ' _it's just a storyline, you're not even together you're with Ziggler/Graves/Roman/etc_ ', guys sending her dick pics claiming ‘ _they would give them what their homo husband couldn’t_ ’ and actual death threats. Some of these messages went as far as to send ultraviolent pictures and stuff so sick he had to make an effort not to vomit.

Renee was a strong, amazing and confident woman that Dean loved so much it hurt, but there was so much she could take. There was so much _they_ could take.

On top of that, he could hear his coworkers around again, talking about how they had just been informed that Jimmy Jacobs had just been fired by WWE after posing for a photo with the Bullet Club when they tried to invade Raw a few weeks ago. Dean and Jimmy had been friends for a long time and he took it as one more blow to deal with that day.

The show would start in two hours, and at that point nobody could convince Dean that it was going to be a good night.

***

Things were getting to a point where Dean didn’t even try and fool himself into _not_ thinking he was falling downhill into a depression and there was no safety net to stop the fall.

He was struck with an anxiety he’d last felt while he was still in the indies after living fueled only by speed and booze for days in a row. The difference is that he was not on that anymore but the paranoia, insomnia, twitchiness and the irritability he had almost forgotten about were back full force. 

Dean wouldn't stop losing weight and didn't seem to be able to gain it or put on muscle no matter how hard he trained and how much he tried to eat, which wasn’t much. He felt his hair thinning at an alarming rate by the day and just couldn't be bothered to do something as simple as shaving or keeping himself groomed. He knew his face looked bloated and reddened, his eyes had lost their usual intense spark and he constantly looked sick, exhausted.

He'd stopped giving a fuck about looking good and in fact a part of him wanted to disgust those obsessed with him in hopes the obsession and harassment would stop. He even caught himself more than once thinking that he didn’t care if Renee found him attractive or not anymore. The legendary Jon fucking Moxley didn't want to party anymore and just grudgingly accepted to attend shows or bars with Renee sporadically because it wasn't fair to her. He just wanted to stay at home to avoid being followed around the streets.

He was starting to fear every time Renee was alone or left the house and their relationship was starting to suffer the consequences. Anything was as good an excuse as any to have a drink.

The only positive influence at the moment was teaming with Seth again. It was keeping him somewhat grounded. Travelling with him meant he stuck to his strict discipline and kept himself busy and exhausted to the point of falling asleep as soon as he hit the bed most days when he was touring with him. 

He would have probably been suspended already by WWE if Renee wasn't trying her best to have some normalcy into their lives and to keep an eye on him no matter how much she was hurting.

 

_"'ere, roll this for me, gonna get more beer." he snuck a chunk of marijuana on his friend's hand and dropped a small metal grinder on his lap. After many beers accumulated on the coffee table and lots of catching up to do due to their different schedules, both were a bit drunk and relaxed._

_"Fucker! Straight to my dick, can't you aim anywhere else?" An annoyed groan followed but Seth was already working on breaking down the bud before grinding it. "I can't even fucking smoke this anymore on NXT, don't wanna get suspended." He bit his lower lip as his fingers mixed the resulting product with a pinch of tobacco before carefully setting it on a long paper._

_Seth threw the half-empty cigarette pack to Dean who had just returned and taken a seat next to him. "Roll me a filter." he muttered as he brought his beer to his lips. "You shouldn't either, you know you're gonna be called up soon. You're not performing now besides a couple house shows but you will eventually have to and you wanna be clean man. Thanks." he said when Dean handed him the small cardboard cylinder and the brunette expertly rolled the joint. He shot Dean a glance as he licked the glued strip on the paper to lock it and pressed it a bit before handing it to his friend._

_Dean placed the joint loosely between his lips and brought his lighter's flame close to lit it. "Honestly? Gonna miss this. That is, if I ever make it to the main roster or NXT." he exhaled the smoke, a content sigh escaping his lips despite his bitter words. He was comfortable, hadn't hung out like this with Seth for a while as he had been touring with the main roster to perform on dark matches lately. "Ya miss it?" another drag at the joint, deeper this time. Curious blue eyes turned towards the high flyer as he held the smoke inside his chest before he blew it all over Seth, unable to hold a chuckle._

_Seth let himself fall to his side against the couch's arm as he made exaggerated movements with his arms to try and dissipate the smoke, laughing all the while. "Damn right I do! But you better stop trying to make me fail the drug tests to try and snatch my place." He took another sip of his beer and rose to his feet, sobering up a bit as he opened the window to clear the air, already thick with the mix of smoke and the warm, humid weather._

_The NXT champion looked very young, a longing, almost insecure smile settling on his features as he seemed to think what to say next as he flopped down on the couch again next to Dean. "FCW was weird times, but I kinda miss it sometimes. I… guess I miss hanging out like this. It was fun man."_

_Dean coughed a bit as laughter sent the smoke straight up his throat. "'Cooooourse you miss me that much, I'm_ that _special." he cooed and threw an arm around his friend's shoulders, almost crushing him against his own shoulder for a playful hug and laughing again at the mock disgust on Seth's face. He didn't move away immediately though, his eyes sliding shut for a moment as he inhaled the smell of the joint and licked his lips. He only pulled away when it was obvious in his face that he really wanted to risk it and smoke a bit himself. "Nah I get it Seth, it was cool. Ya think we'll do well when we get called up? I mean dude, we're fucking_ it _, period. But you always gotta wonder with the booking and shit…"_

_Seth waved it off. "The way I see it, we're bound to do great shit. You and I, we're the fucking future of the WWE so they better treat us like we deserve." Arrogant as ever._

_Ambrose laughed again, so hard he had to leave his beer on the table and the joint on the ashtray to avoid an accident. "Said the company's golden boy! Do I gotta grow my hair for Triple H to call my ass up as well?"_

_This time Seth joined in the laughter and it was him who threw an arm around Dean's shoulder to bring him closer. When both stopped laughing, there was an intense gleam in his brown eyes and a cocky smile on his lips as he held Dean's gaze. "Hear my words Deano. You and I, we're gonna take WWE to new heights. We gonna break the internet, gonna get the biggest pops of our generation, everybody will wish they could see us perform live. The fans are gonna be crazy about us." He poked Dean's chest with a finger. "The noise we made in FCW? That's gonna be nothing compared to the main roster when we take over."_

_Dean broke their stare and sighed, suddenly a bit overwhelmed with the image his friend's words brought to his mind and the effects of the half-smoked joint relaxing him into a melted human poodle. He tilted his head back until it rested on Seth's shoulder and his body went slack. "Gonna miss this."_

_He wasn't going to miss the year he'd spent on the sidelines because every legend that the WWE tried to pitch him against to debut him as a big deal on the main roster always needed a surgery or would be unable to compete for any reason. "Only thing I'll miss from this year. I just wanna fuckin' wrestle. Don't give a shit about anything else."_

_Seth gave him a playful nudge on the ribs and picked up his beer again. "A toast for the biggest stars of our generation!" he announced holding the bottle up._

_"Toast for the best!"_

 

Dean tried not to google himself too often since any searches would provide pictures and videos of himself and his Shield brothers, but mostly Seth due to their whole onscreen history and feuds.

It went so far that if he tried to google himself the word ' _Ambrollins_ ' would appear as a suggestion on the browser before his own name and before he finished typing it. Clicking on it would result all the time on the same as clicking on his own name. Pictures, drawings, videos, book-length stories. Cropped, slowed down, sped up or just plain manipulated gifs with tiny moments where fans thought they saw something sexual. Actual written stories about them being together: love, hate, sex, humiliation, abuse, rape, torture… even fucking giving birth to babies and being half monsters. Whole pages and forums filled with speculation on their relationship and people treating the topic like it was plain truth. Their first time, their first kiss, full analysis of any interaction between them on camera… He never failed to feel sick when running into that sort of content.

The world seemed to have decided on what his personal story was about and there was nothing in fucking hell he could do against it.

And that wasn't even the worst. His stomach turned every time he saw somebody glorifying online the times when he was so fucking drunk and high while performing that looking back only confirms it’s a miracle he’s still alive and able to wrestle. How could people get off on him being high as fuck, bleeding like a pig and covered in sweat, bruises, tears and worse? What was the appeal of his drug and alcohol-fueled slurs, the filth he spat out his mouth every time a camera was pointing at him?

Even he didn’t see the glamour of that anymore and regretted that these times were probably being what was holding him back from being the proper main eventer he knew he was. A part of him _knew_ it was what made people relate to him, feel free to run over and kind of dump on him their darkest, sickest fantasies.

Dean had always denied reading the stories whenever anyone mentioned them, but he had. Plenty. The first person who ever made him aware of them was Seth, who showed him a few of these stories one night while they were drunk as hell in his hotel room in some lost town. They narrated a couple of them out loud, acting on the dialogue parts and laughing until they couldn’t talk anymore. It was easy to joke and have some fun with these, it felt almost innocent at first.

He even felt a small pang of guilt for actually enjoying some of them that he read privately after as a few were quite well written and he always enjoyed a good read. It was easier when these stories used their screen names, physical attributes and bits of the personalities showed on camera but stories completely unrelated to their _actual_ selves. But others… just disturbed him to the point of feeling sick to his stomach in a way he couldn’t even put words to.

And Dean Ambrose wasn’t a guy to run out of words easily.

He could actually understand where the buzz came from and why some fans felt like that could be their story, he was a creative guy after all and he would run his mouth on a promo about just a feeling or a look. Nor Seth nor he were oblivious to their chemistry either. It was something they both had always used, ran all-in with, in order to create better segments and matches, compelling stories to woo the fans and charm the company. It also got them all the pussy they could ever imagine and more.

It was just so natural that they didn’t have to put any effort on it, didn't even need to give it any thought and just flow. And it worked like a charm for years, whether they had to act like the best of friends, brothers, or the bitterest enemies.

They exploited that chemistry in order to further cement their careers and, as businessmen which is what they were at the end of the day, as an easier way to sell merchandise and engage the audience.

None of them realized before it was too late that some people seemed to be unable to tell between real life and tv. Too many stories and beliefs were flowing around the internet, yelled at them during PPVs, events and house shows… They had even been attacked by fucking _teenagers_ who were absolutely obsessed with them. How could people spend a whole night waiting at an airport just to yell at them to fix their issues by fucking or take pictures from afar of their every interaction, trying to expose the supposed _romance_ between them? That had been going on for fucking years until both reunited as a tag team again. But it just got even worse as the obsession and stalking in person and online only got reinforced.

What the fuck could they know if all they had was pictures and videos from segments taken from a _scripted_ tv show? Wasn’t it obvious that they were human beings and that whatever happened or didn’t happen between them was their story and nobody else’s? That being public figures didn't mean they had to open the doors to their homes, lives, privacy? Couldn't they blame some things to just really good acting? 

 

Dean didn't need Seth to say a word to know he felt guilty about how their current reunion storyline had escalated the stalking and pressure to a point he wasn't sure they would be able to handle. He didn't need to speak for Dean to know he had noticed his current state either.

When Jimmy got the approval from Vince to run their forgiveness storyline, it had started as a little inside joke for all of them. They had a hard time not laughing their asses off onscreen more often than not while broadcasting their backstage promos, Seth having to basically pout and act like a sad puppy try to get back into Dean's good graces with the blonde playing hard to get. It was fun, refreshing, and a way to continue their story, something that WWE almost never did. Continuity.

It was also a little mock to the Ambrollins obsession on the internet. They were having so much fun that the energy tore through the screen and the angle was an immense success.

Even Renee participated, letting out her inner fangirl and making ambiguous questions that would make people wonder if they were talking about a tag team or a couple. Everybody had been having a blast with it. It felt innocent, it was fun.

But now, things had just gotten out of control. 

After he left a calm yet still a bit shaky Renee with the Glam Squad to go get himself ready for the show, Dean leaned against the nearest wall and felt the weight of the world on his shoulders. If his reunion with Seth caused this, the thought of what could happen once the Shield reunited made him run towards the nearest bathroom to vomit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First chapter out! 
> 
> I know it's not an easy read, and not only because it's a long one. I would absolutely LOVE to know what you think of this, if you liked it or not, your thoughts about where it may go from here... Feedback is extremely appreciated!
> 
> I will try to release the remaining chapters of Overwhelmed on a weekly basis. I hope you enjoy the ride and I'll be back next week :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a busy, difficult day, it's finally time for Raw. 
> 
> The three members of the Shield have to deal with their own insecurities, fears, and personal problems the best they can. Comraderie, reassurance begged for as silently as it is given, raw feelings and fond memories wash through them.
> 
> Will they enjoy their moment or will they drown in it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter surprised me coming together way quicker than expected. Please don't get used to this lol.
> 
> As I said, this story was drafted but I'm doing a really heavy editing before posting. It flowed in such a way that I had to make the decision to cut off the last scene and just stick to their appearance on the show. Otherwise, it would have ended being even longer than Chapter 1, which I understand is an already long sit to read on itself.
> 
> I hope you enjoy the read as much as I enjoyed writing it, and please don't be shy and let me know what you thought of it. I can't stress enough how difficult this story is to put together and the effort I'm making.
> 
> If any parts have glaring grammar mistakes or make no sense at all, give me a shout, English is not my native tongue and mistakes and tiredness happen ;)
> 
> IMPORTANT: Cursive is for flashbacks. Bonus tip, flashbacks are partial scenes of what will come on Part 2 of As Long As We Know The Truth!  
> Chapter warnings: Explicit language, mentions of depression.

**Monday, October 9th 2017**

Raw

 

Standing close to the stage curtain, the three members of the Shield were pressed in a tight group hug, sharing an emotional moment and trying to ground themselves before their reunion officially took place on the stage. Just before Sheamus and Cesaro’s entrance themes hit the arena, they bounced around their rivals to hype them for what was to come. Enthusiasm had taken over every single body standing on the gorilla position, aware that this was going to be one of these _moments_ WWE existed for. Performers or not, these people were all part of it.

There was no doubt that the three wrestlers were happy to work together again even if none of them were actually able to bring themselves to savor the moment completely, not yet, each for their own reasons. The truth was they were thrilled to be a faction again, relive their ascension to the top of the WWE, their struggles, their incredible success and domination upon the roster.

Still, they would never forget the dark days, the efforts and years in the indies for Dean and Seth, the injuries, the pain, the exhaustion, the horrendous booking and their failure to make it as big as they felt they deserved. The years of making sure no interaction took place between them outside of the shows in order to protect kayfabe and hiding the healthiest friendship they could have in the business.

Raw anticipation made the air around them buzz with electricity but it still it didn't feel right as the Miz's voice filled the hall, beginning to cut his promo, creating the setting for them to come back as a unit.

The three of them were as excited as they were terrified.

Dean opened his eyes when he felt the Samoan slowly removing himself from their group embrace. He patted his friends on the shoulder while the other two wouldn't let go of each other yet. "Ya gonna kill it Uce. Today you're getting cheered, believe that. Well, if this fucking koala lets go of me. If we don't come out you're fucked." He joked but made no effort to remove his arm from Seth's shoulder. The Architect kept a tight arm around his waist, his fist clinging to Dean's t-shirt so hard his knuckles turned white while his other hand covered his face, barely hidden on the blonde's shoulder.

Ambrose looked from one friend to the other, flashing a tense grin to Roman and flinching as Seth squeezed him tighter, receiving a fond look in return from the Big Dog. Tired blue eyes slid shut again before Dean inhaled deeply and soundly, exhaling slowly to try to guide and calm Seth who wouldn't stop shaking. As he feared would happen, nerves had struck the younger wrestler as the day went on, finally catching up to him at the last moment.

He would never admit out loud that he needed to calm down just as much.

Dean heard hurried words that didn't really register in his brain from the producers, giving Roman some final instructions before he performed. The Samoan, microphone in hand, was ready for his cue.

The former CZW champion felt his heart swell with pride while cursing himself mentally for all the times he'd bragged with Seth while on FCW and, even if he would never admit it, during their first run as The Shield, about how Roman would never make it to the top while on FCW. They always thought they were the shit and were held back their inexperienced teammate.

But the truth was the ex-football player had blown all expectations away. He finally learned to handle the pressure of being in the ring while being constantly insulted and booed, and basically gave zero fucks about whatever the fans shouted at him outside of it. Without a doubt, he was the one who grew up the most during their time in WWE. Went from being green, insecure and clumsy to become a hell of a performer.

Roman was the one handling it better than them and giving them a new lesson, one they probably never realized they were asking for. While tense, he still oozed fucking confidence as his music blasted as loud as possible on the arena and still was not near enough to drown the boos filling the air as soon as the first note reached their ears. A deep breath and an animal growl later, he walked out towards the audience to confront The Miz.

 

Loosening his hold on Seth while drawing him closer, face to face, Dean tangled one of his hands on his friend's hair. "C'mere." came out in the form of a breathless whisper as his other hand gave absent yet reassuring pats between his shoulder blades until the arm finally wrapped around him. He rested his chin on the brunette's shoulder and allowed himself to melt around him for an instant, contradicting feelings amped up by his depressed state seemingly slipping away into a corner of his mind where they weren't so loud.

Seth looked beaten, as if the weight of the last three years and his own history of redemption, kayfabe and real life had finally caught up with him. There also was some lingering guilt from the last few hours and what was about to come and Dean tried his best not to show any sort of anxiety of his own. Which was actually pointless since he knew Seth could see through that. He didn't know where he found the strength not to crumble as they clung to each other, sharing the weight of the pressure on their shoulders as they struggled to find their ground.

"Show must go oooooon." he half sang, half whispered mockingly against the Architect's neck. Dean felt his friend snort before a soft sigh was followed by a chuckle of his own. Seth's forehead rolled slightly on Dean's shoulder, wet eyelashes brushing the bare skin of his collarbone. "I say fuck it to all the shit we've gone through today. It's your moment dude, just… you just enjoy it okay? We're gonna kill it and turn all shit into gold like we always do. Let's do it for them, bro'!"

“D- it for Dusty…” Seth’s voice hitched slightly as he nodded against Dean's t-shirt. “For the fucking zombie princess… For all of us.”

Wavy locks dripped water down the top of Seth’s t-shirt, face and Dean's collarbone and neck. Dean would never mention the tears and the tiny muffled whimper he'd felt against his skin. Away from the stage lights and so close, Seth looked exhausted, dark rings visible under the stage makeup. Small wrinkled lines framing the corners of his red-rimmed eyes, his skin looking a bit lifeless as he bit on his lower lip. His beard screamed for a trim and up close he looked every bit as broken as Dean felt. How hadn't he noticed his friend's exhaustion? Was he so lost into his own asshole that he'd been unable to see past himself?

Seth released Dean’s t-shirt from his grip to pull away, a broken smile attempting to tug the corners of his lips upwards before he bumped their foreheads together, both pushing a bit. Damp chocolate eyes stared into equally moist blue and Ambrose barely felt the brush of their noses as Seth sniffed softly. "Now what huh? Think we gonna be booed out of the city?" A little nervous laugh escaped the wrestler's lips, his shaky breath vibrating against Dean's chin.

Dean knew Seth was still shaken from earlier and that he wasn’t as good as he was when it came to concealing his feelings. "Nah, they gonna eat it up you'll see." he tried to sound reassuring during his friend's rare moment of insecurity as he pulled away from him.

Looking towards the end of the hall again, he spotted Renee sitting with Charly. Both women were waiting for instructions for their next backstage segment and he breathed out in relief upon the sight of his wife smiling again, even if her eyes and face were still a bit puffy and bright. Charly kept a comforting arm around the blonde announcer and both were chatting quietly while Renee seemed to be typing on her phone. Dean knew the ladies were meeting Lita after Raw to hit some bars and have a girls night and he knew it would be the best for her tonight. Renee didn't deserve to suffer just because she married him. 

 

Roman’s voice cut through the air as he began speaking on the mic. A quick glance to the monitor next to them showed that while he looked chill and confident, his voice betrayed the tension he was feeling, his body a bit too stiff, an obviously rehearsed pose. Nobody knew if the WWE universe would react well or if they would turn on the Shield for joining Roman again. The tension on the arena so thick it could be cut into squares and stored in boxes.

So it was not an easy night. But it should fucking be, or at least Dean felt to his core that they deserved a good, easy one.

“Rumors? Who said anything about rumors?” Finally, his fucking cue.

Dean’s music hit the arena and the crowd went nuts. It couldn’t be compared to the pop when Seth and he teased their reunion, but it was still a good pop.

He had managed to appear somewhat chill before going onstage but as soon as he let go of Seth and his theme hit, he let the anxiety and tension melt away, focus and energy canalized into doing what he loved the most. Wrestling. Performing. The Lunatic Fringe persona wash over everything he was feeling as he let it run wild, all vicious, intense energy as he walked out and stood next to Roman.

Dean noticed Roman didn’t move a muscle but almost jumped startled when the ' _Burn it down_ ' scream rip through the arena, the crowd going nuts along with it. Seth’s face betrayed him with an expression Dean had already witnessed a long time ago, overtaken by the emotion of the moment when he stepped out and the crowd finally exploded. His attempts to regulate his breathing to calm down were noticed by both Dean and Roman. His expressive eyes roamed around the arena almost in shock, drinking in the crowd's glee and barely unable to not shake and contain the stream of emotions. The water dripping down his face could only hide so much.

For a brief moment, the world stopped as the three wrestlers stalked forwards, no further words needed. Pumped up, silent, confident badasses doing what they did best. Suddenly nothing mattered but the loud cheers, the crowd standing up on their seats and leaning towards them as they made their way to the ring. Goosebumps made his hairs stand up. The yelling and trash talk coming from the ring, the cameras and crew moving around them, the children, women, men in the crowd getting impossibly loud as they circled the ring.

Adrenaline and excitement ran through Dean's veins as they attacked The Miz, Curtis Axel and the Bar, emptying his mind as he focused on his performance and rushed through the moves, letting the noise, the energy and the thud of his heartbeat in his ears carry him through the attack. At some point, he felt so high that he could even feel the crack of his joints echoing on his throat as he moved.

It didn't take long for their rivals to end up sprawled on the mat, Roman standing in the middle of the ring, seemingly not believing that he was being cheered. Or maybe not sure if any of these cheers were directed at him at all. It looked almost like his friend didn't dare move at all in case the fans hadn't noticed he was standing tall in the middle of the ring and would suddenly start booing again.

Dean gave him a few quick reassuring pats on the chest as he celebrated with his usual energy and an excited "Not dreaming _Uce_!" was directed to Roman as he looked up, basking in the praise and cheers from the crowd. Harsh gasps for air caught his ear and he turned around when he realized it was Seth trying to calm down, breathless as he stood near the ropes.

The blonde rushed towards him and nearly lost his balance and dragged Seth down with him when he jumped onto the ropes and threw an arm around his shoulders. Seth almost jumped startled but his face immediately lit up and an honest, joyful laugh escaped him, letting go of all the tension as soon as Dean got a bit closer to his ear and made one of his Dusty impressions. He lingered there for a bit, comforting his friend and doing his best to help him enjoy the moment, Seth didn't deserve to suffer. He wasn't really surprised to find himself actually relishing it.

Both beamed, as delighted as the fans for a moment under the huge crowd pop at their gesture. They had been given orders to do whatever it took to keep the fans from booing, so having them cheer for Seth and Dean was a good start for what was going to come.

A couple knowing looks between the three performers and they rushed to pick Miz up from the floor. The smaller members of the Shield lifted him up and set him on Roman's shoulders for their trademark powerbomb. The crowd finally lost it. Everything exploded, taking the arena like an earthquake wiped all troubles away for a moment that lasted for too many heartbeats to count. They screamed, celebrated for the crowd on the corners and released a bit more tension before posing with their fists together for the first time in years before slowly heading backstage.

Still in character, they walked through the hall and stopped for a quick interview with Charly. Their joy was evident on their energetic promo. Dean felt so good he started rambling about how many opponents they would take on until an amused Roman stopped him.

As soon as they were told they were off camera, Roman threw his arms around them, crushing them into a tight, sweaty group hug. They were so out of it, so driven by how everything flowed on the arena that it could have lasted a few seconds or an eternity for all they cared. “Holy. Fucking. Shit. That felt so good.” Was all he was able to say as they pulled away slightly and tried to catch their breath.

The three men lingered, not really registering their surroundings as the world kept moving and the show continued, they didn't need nor care about anything else than _their_ moment. "Sometimes you forget how good it feels yeah." Seth patted Roman's head and tugged at his hair to bring him closer to place a quick kiss on the wet black mane of hair. "World must be coming to an end if you were just cheered, man." A breathy chuckle left his lips as Dean playfully slapped his hand away from the Samoan's hair, taking his turn to pull Roman's head closer to his lips and mimic what his teammate had just done. He took it further however, annoying his friend with a wet, loud grandma kiss on the top of his head.

Dean pushed Roman away and spat to the side, his tongue stuck out in the air comically to try to get rid of the chemical conditioner taste. "Yeah guys, for a moment I thought you'd get booed out of the arena and Miz would get the fuckin' babyface in peril treatment there." Roman admitted half joking and the three laughed when Miz butted in with a light-hearted ' _I'm too good of a bad guy to be cheered._ '. They laughed it off, but actual relief was present on the Samoan's features and voice as his gaze hovered over his teammates.

"Nah, they just ate the fuck out of it, couldn't happen any other way guys." Dean shivered at the feeling of a hand settling on the back of his neck as he spoke, fingers tapping and digging gently on the sweaty skin beneath his ear. It barely lasted a moment before Seth pulled him closer, bouncing madly and bumping his shoulder with his teammate. "Course it couldn't, that felt _so_ fucking good! The Shield is back and kicking some ass baby!" The warmth of sweaty skin and facial hair made Dean's skin tickle when Seth pressed his cheek against his playfully, wide grins threatening to split their faces in two. Their skulls butted as he engaged the blonde into jumping with him and giving up at the second head bump.

Both breathed a content yet pained sigh as bright blue eyes slid shut, savoring how right it had felt. It felt _so_ right. Pressure returned to the back of his neck with a small squeeze from Seth's fingers that ended tripping on the slick skin before letting go. An annoyed groan, the rustle of a hand wiping the sweat on a t-shirt, a chuckle. He could feel a pleasing tingle crawling down his back for a while afterward.

 

_Adrenaline was pumping so hard in his veins that Dean felt tiny shocks all over his skin. He felt high, emotion fighting its way to buzz out of every pore in his body. He was practically bouncing in the locker room, his hairs standing up in awe as William Regal praised their performance. The 30-minute iron man match had blown everybody's minds off, it had been perfect. They had told a story so intense, well-paced, with such an intelligent use of the ring, of their bodies, thirty minutes of drama and pure good wrestling… It had been incredible._

_The energy was so strong that he couldn't contain his delight, he was on fire. Even his dick pulsed happy inside his compression underwear, not missing the joy that ran through his whole being. He felt invincible, untouchable, like a bonafide fucking star. He could taste the glory that had yet to become a fact on the tip of his tongue and holy shit how sweet it was, his mind wandering away, trying to reproduce what it must feel to perform like this at Wrestlemania. Low budget locker rooms had never felt so comfortable._

_It felt right. SO right._

_Seth stood next to him, looking every bit like a child would as they open_ that _Christmas gift they_ _thought they'd never get_ _as he took in Regal's words._

_A low chuckle from William Regal. He looked delighted enjoying the sight of the two bundles of vitality that just had the match of their lives so far, both obviously ran over by their emotions and ready to burst. It turned quickly into a merry laugh when their gazes met and both jumped into the other's arms. Both guys spun around the room like that, bouncing like teenagers attending their first music festival and diving into their first mosh pit, hitting each other a bit too hard. "That felt so good!! So fucking good!" Dean's words tripped over themselves as he kept on bouncing, hugging Seth, letting go at him to shove him back, drawing him close again immediately afterward._

_"So fucking good, y'felt it?" The brunette pushed Dean away to address Regal again, stopping himself just when he was aiming to jump the legendary wrestler as well. "Mr. Regal… shit! See what I mean when I say we're ready for the main roster? What we're capable of?"_

_Regal smiled fondly and stepped forward, giving them a couple of light pats on the shoulder. "Enjoy the present lads. When the time is right, I know you two will turn this business upside down. I have never seen anything like this in my entire career, and your hard work will end up paying off. Dusty certainly knew what he was doing when he pitched you two together from the beginning."_

_Seth hugged Dean again, though it felt more like a body collision that almost made both fall backward. He buried his face in Dean's neck as his fingers crept through the back of it, making the towel around his shoulders slid down slightly. Dean shivered when stubble grazed his cheek at the same time twitchy fingers squeezed his skin hard enough to wince before pulling away. Seth's grin was infectious, his lips parting again and again like he didn't even know what to say but desperately needed to find words to express it. Ambrose for sure felt exactly like that and couldn't, didn't want to break the gaze and their moment._

_"Ya hear him? We gonna blow the business, have memories and footage of the camera zooming out on a crazy arena that explodes because of us. Sounds so goddamn cool… We are the fucking future, Dean. We…" his free hand closed into a fist and he accompanied each word with a playful punch to Dean's chest. "We. Are. The. Fucking. Future, ya hear me?"_

_"Course we are!" Dean seemed to find the ability to speak again, letting the words from his coworker and mentor sink in and the joy wash through every nerve. "If you stop punching the fuck out of me, never gonna make it to Raw if you keep beating me up you- ouch!" Another punch, this time on his shoulder._

_"You are indeed." With another amused chuckle, Regal took his suitcase and prepared himself to leave, turning around to address the two young wrestlers again. "But as for now, you two must come down from the trip, shower and celebrate, you deserve it. Good job lads."_

_Dean stared at the closed door, his mind still spinning as Regal_ _'s_ _words repeated themselves over and over in this brain. He finally shook himself out of it, turning around to flash a mischievous grin to his friend. "Burger and strip club dude? Don't know about you," he chuckled as he palmed the slightly visible bulge in his wrestling trunks. "But my friend here wants to celebrate the match buried in some pussy. You comin'?"_

_Seth snorted from the bench he was sitting on, it quickly turning into a bark of laughter, so hard he had to stop trying to remove his leg pads. "Got a feeling you're taking me to the filthiest in town, am I gonna catch something just from sitting there? Promise the strippers aren't 50-year-old junkies man? My dick's gonna fall off before the night is over I see it comin'." he was probably imagining some delirious scene as he literally bent over with laughter. The brunette reached up with his fist to wipe a tear off his eye and resumed removing his boots as Dean sat down and did the same. "Oh god, I'm crying." He clutched at his belly, trying to compose himself. "But sure I'm in, my dick deserves better than rats tonight, gonna sleep like a baby." Still snickering, he rose to his feet and slid his fingers under the waistband of his ring gear, tugging the clothing down his legs to step out of it._

_Dean watched him with a satisfied smirk as he grabbed a towel from his bag and stepped into the shower area, soon following his friend._

 

Once the three wrestlers let go of each other, the noise, the rush of the backstage of a live television show and the rest of the roster and producers shook them out of their little moment to join the celebration. Reality would start setting in.

They'd done it. And it felt good. Really good. Still, Dean knew that it wouldn't feel as good as it should have once he came down from the adrenaline rush. But it was as close as it would get, at least that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Having cut a full scene out of this chapter, I'm still unsure about how many I will need to finish the first part of ALAWKTT (there, that was long).
> 
> What do you think of this so far? I tried to give Dean a bit of a break here. Being depressed doesn't mean you're gonna be gloomy and down all the time, it can affect every individual in different ways upon several scenarios. Sometimes it will numb you, or make you overexcited, paralyzed... 
> 
> I can't stress this enough: reviews are appreciated and are a nice reward for the effort put into this piece. Whether you like the story or not, I would love to hear your thoughts!
> 
> See you soon with Chapter 3, set after the Raw live broadcast.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After RAW and some joking around with the guys, Dean receives Renee's unconditional support as she tries to pick up the pieces during a very difficult conversation. Their talk brings back a very fond memory to Dean, but will it ground him or mess him up further?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back again way sooner AND longer than expected. But what can a lady do? This has become a mammoth with a life of its own and I'm letting it run wild. I was expecting Part 1 to be a 3 chapter story and around 12K words but as of today I can't guarantee it will stay only at 4, it should never go past 5. A Monday can only last enough lol. 
> 
> This is the longest so far and required being dialogue heavy. It's a KEY chapter for the whole As Long As We Know The Truth series so I didn't hold back on the word count. The flashback in this chapter is very long yet it's just part of a chapter you'll eventually get (remember they're not only Dean's memories but also excerpts of scenes that you'll see in Part 2). I hope the cursive font doesn't bother you too much while reading.
> 
> That said, I can't even begin to tell you how much I enjoyed writing this chapter, I'm really happy with the result. I hope you like it too! I believe it will give you a bigger picture of who Dean in this series and raise new questions. It's... weird, but I feel it won't distract you from the important details, which are many. 
> 
> PLEASE, read the tags and WARNINGS below to avoid any triggers. 
> 
> IMPORTANT:  
> Cursive writing is for flashbacks. As you know by now, these are excerpts of scenes from Part 2 as well.  
> TRIGGER WARNINGS:  
> Explicit recreational marijuana use, sexual content under the influence of drugs, crude language.

**Monday, October 9th, 2017**

After Raw

 

A comfortable excitement had settled on the three performers and stayed with them as they wandered away towards the locker rooms.

Dean walked a step behind his teammates, his tee shirt off and hanging from where it was tucked into the waistband of his jeans. He pressed a towel to his face and neck, absent pats and rubs against his back. He was starting to come down from the adrenaline high and knew soreness would make itself known again as soon as the relief of a hot shower hit his body, his sore muscles craving for it.

Ahead of him, Roman turned around every few words to try to include Dean on their animated conversation. " _Uce_ , I can't shake the feeling that I'll wake up tomorrow and they will boo me again." his chuckle turned into a yelp and he reached up to rub at the spot where Seth had just punched him.

"Boooooooo!!" Seth chanted at the Samoan as he tried to punch him again, this time failing as Roman was ready and put the younger man in a headlock. "Booooo!! See Roman? That’s why! Boo!!" he joked.

"Tomorrow we gonna sell lots'a merch, that's what's gonna happen." Dean chuckled, enjoying his friend's bickering.

Squirming out of Roman's hold, Seth kneaded his neck, trying to frown and failing as he was still chuckling. "WWE Shop special sale only tonight!" he announced mimicking Michael Cole's tone, "Celebrate the Shield's reunion with a special offer on Dean, Seth and Roman's old merch, we need to make room for the new stuff! Go grab your Shield dolls, panties, shirts, mugs, key holders, Santa hats before they break up again and we need to do clearance-"

A high pitched voice interrupted the commercial. " _Oh my god, oh my god_!!! Gonna buy all the stuff right now! Shut up and take my damn money!" Renee appeared in front of the three wrestlers with a wide grin on her face as they turned a corner. They all stopped and laughed. "Guys that was so cool! You all looked amazing out there, the crowd was on fire." she spread her arms and danced her way to give Roman a tight hug. "It's good that I finished taping already and brought extra clothes to change, you're dripping sweat." She wrinkled her nose only to receive another squeeze from Roman. "You're gross Ro!" She giggled before hugging him again.

Dean watched them as Roman spun his wife around, both laughing, feeling a fond smile tugging at his lips. He was glad she was finally back on her feet and that she was as genuinely happy as everybody else with how things had gone. He just wished he was half as strong.

"Hey Renee, I've gallons of sweat to gross you out as well." Seth whined with feigned jealously, cackling like a madman when the backstage interviewer threw herself into his arms and started hitting half-hearted chops on his chest and collarbone. "Niiice! Spread the sweat around like that baby!" 

"Awesome, now I gotta smell the stink of you two on my wife." Dean butted in, trying not to laugh himself as he held his hands up. "No way I can get it up tonight if you reek of macho sweat, conditioner, and cocoa butter." It felt good to joke around the three of them. "No lovin' for me or what?"

Renee laughed again, stepping away from Seth and approaching Dean. Both grinned and pecked their lips before he wrapped his arms around his wife. "Love you, babe." she said softly. "I'm so proud of you! You guys looked amazing out there..." Dean kissed her again, this time a bit deeper. When he drew away, he caught his teammates waving at him.

"Guys, we can't stand the lovefest, getting rotten teeth from your smooching and our ladies aren’t here so..." Roman smirked. "We're gonna shower okay? Meet you there _Uce_." he turned towards Seth. "If we go now this bastard may be done trying to make himself look good by the time you're done."

Seth narrowed his eyes and punched Roman in the gut. "Like I need to do anything to look good." he huffed. "I look good in a suit, on tight leather pants, tactical, long, mini ring gear, on jeans.... hell I could rock a panda pajama and look like a fucking rockstar if I wanted." a smirk broke on his face as the others laughed. "Believe that." he joined in the laughter.

"Oh, god. I'm dragging our sex symbol out of here before he decides to gift us with a strip-tease or decides to go from dick pics to dick flashes." Roman avoided the punch this time biting his lip to stop himself before Seth got angry for real. "Have fun Renee, see you around."

Renee brought her thumb to her lips, humming pensively and ignoring the last comments from the Samoan. "Hm… after that mental image, I don't think I'm going to be able to have fun unless I see Seth on the panda pajamas." she giggled at the middle of the sentence, unable to keep a straight face.

Seth waved her off with a cocky smirk. "As much as everybody would love to see that, you can forget about it. Not happening." he approached the married couple and tapped Renee's forehead with a finger. "Don't want you to end up abandoning this piece of shit because ya can't get the sight outta your head." a flirtatious wink towards her later, he rushed after Roman before Dean could hit him. "See ya!"

"You idiot!" Renee whined. “Now I know what we’re giving you for Christmas.”

Dean let the chuckle rumble inside his chest as he slid his hands into Renee's and drew her closer. "Brats." he said fondly and kissed her again, his eyes sliding closed as she nuzzled her nose against his. "Ya gonna go out with the girls babe?"

Renee beamed at him. "Yeah. Charly and I are gonna change and go pick Lita up. Are you going back to the hotel? Need a ride?"

Dean shook his head. "Nah, driving with the guys. We're probably just gonna stop to get dinner and maybe a few drinks at Seth's room." he reached up and cracked his neck soundly. "Don't know about them, but I'm drained, actually just wanna pass out."

Renee nodded and wrapped her arms loosely around his neck, bringing his head down for several quick kisses, the smile never leaving her lips.

"You alright babe?" he muttered softly against her lips. "Feeling better?"

The blonde announcer pulled back, sliding her hands from Dean's neck to rest on his chest, her smile dissipating as she absently tugged on his chest hair. "I'm fine, stop worrying." she sighed. "But I'm worried about you. I get it, you know, it hurts and it's disgusting. But what do we do?" her left hand cupped Dean's cheek.

Dean sighed. "I just don't want you to get hurt. Especially because of me."

"I don't plan on getting a divorce or shutting down my social media. I'm not gonna stop living my damn life or sharing the parts of it I decide to. It's my right as it's anyone else's in this world. So just because some fucking psychos decided to obsess about you, or give me shit because it’s easier than dealing with their own... they're not bringing me down." her nails dug gently on Dean's cheek, just a tiny bit of pressure as she scratched his beard. "We just can't let this drive our lives… just- just look at yourself. I can see you're not okay-"

"Renee." Dean cut her speech. "Can't stand to see you like that. I feel it's my fault, like I've been adding fuel to the fire."

Renee kissed him again, effectively shutting him up to continue. "Your performances have nothing to do with what these sick people send me. I _know_ we are married, I know I love you and know you love me." Another kiss. "They wanna say you don't love me? Let them talk." her gaze became more intense as she spoke, so confident Dean was left speechless.

"They wanna say I cheat on you? Fuck them, I know who I share my bed with. The world wants to think you’ve been screwing Seth for years? Or Roman or whoever? Who cares? It's not like it's true. Dean. So why do you?" she was dead serious.

Dean gulped, guilt and anxiety twisting in his stomach and compressing his lungs, the mood ruined and reality crashing down on him. Renee radiated a strength he wished she wasn't in need of. He envied how open she was even when dealing with a difficult conversation. Her own pain that she was brushing away to focus on him. Dean needed her to stop before _he_ crumbled. But she was determined to be heard.

"Sometimes I even feel like the guys are awkward around me when there’s no reason for it. I don't want that, it makes me feel guilty and that just doesn't make any sense!" She looked down for a brief moment and then into Dean's eyes again, her determination unwavering as she slowly pulled away from him. "I don't want the fan's fantasies to mess with our real lives. We’re not this, we’re what we’re away from the cameras and that’s what I care about. I'm not paranoid that anything else is an actual fact or that you're going to screw one of the guys brains out tonight or have a kinky threesome.” She bit her lip and shot him a dirty look. “That’d be a _hot_ sight though.” She giggled as her husband narrowed his eyes.

“I'm… _confident_ that you understand I know it, you do right?" a grin adorned her lips again as her hands slid down to linger on Dean's waist. "I think we're safe as long as Seth doesn't put on those irresistible pajamas he was bragging about. But if he does, please send me a picture. I need to see that." she joked, her laugh not reciprocated. "Seriously, you need to snap out of it already. I'm worried about you Dean, you can talk to me. We… we can find someone if you need to talk, it hurts to see you walking dead around life like this. I know you, and you don't want to be pestered. I don’t want to put more pressure on you, but people will eventually notice and worry about you, and I'm not going to reject their help. I…” she looked down and sighed. “I just want the guy I married back, Dean."

Dean could have reassured her that she had nothing to worry about. That he was ok, that he was sure they would be okay. That the abuse she received would wind down eventually when people got bored of harassing them. That he'd never given a shit about what Seth wore to sleep. That fiction is just fiction and fan fantasies are always just that. That there wasn't an ounce of reality on the speculations. He could have said he didn't feel like he was adding fuel to the fire and burning with the consequences.

But he couldn't bring himself to lie to Renee, didn't want to lie to her. So he bit the inside of his cheek and after throwing a helpless look, he leaned down and pressed his lips against hers again. "I can't get any luckier Renee." his voice was barely a shaky whisper. "Love ya. See you back at the hotel ok? Go and have fun babe, you deserve it."

A deep sigh left his lips as they separated, flinching when he felt an unexpected loud smack on his ass a moment later and heard Renee laugh. "If I didn't know any better, I'd be worried there's something you're not telling me. Just let me know if you're hooking up with Seth, Roman or the both of them or whatever, so I can get myself someone too and wait for you to show me a video." she stuck her tongue out mischievously, laughing again. "See you later hun, you too enjoy your night. Looks like you need it more than me."

_“I can't get any luckier_. _" he claimed with a satisfied grin as he tucked an arm behind his head and tried to make himself comfortable on the pillows propped against the headboard of his bed. He felt relaxed and content, the pain on his shoulder and soreness in his muscles just a distant dull ache at the moment._

_The low, constant noise of the fan in his room was soothing and made the sticky Florida summer weather a bit more bearable. It cooled down his sweaty skin and made the lingering smells in the room dance and mix with the strong smoke of the marijuana joint as the moving air washed over his body. His eyes fluttered open, blinking away the blurriness on the dim lit room after he took a deep drag from the stick. His gaze was met by sarcastic and equally hazed and puffy brown eyes staring back at him, a dark eyebrow raised in surprise._

_"Are you so stoned that you actually believe you were booked to win the Heavyweight title last night?" Seth snorted, both arms under his head as he sank a bit further onto the cushion resting on top of Dean's stomach. "Pretty sure I didn't curb-stomp your mug that hard, dude."_

_Silent laughter rumbled inside the blonde's chest. He flashed his friend a cocky smile, bringing the long stick back to his lips. "So yeah, you were booked to win, but who was the star of the match? Who fought a valiant war on only one arm and was pushed to the moon and back by Regal and Cesaro on commentary? That certainly wasn't you. Huh, huh." A quick hand shot up and shoved his face back roughly, making the joint fall and burn his chest and tumble on the sheets. He couldn't pick it fast enough and a small burn mark settled on the fabric. "Fuck you! Hope that didn't burn the mattress, Cass won't be happy if his deposit gets voided." his tone sounded alarmed, but he couldn't stop himself from chuckling as the same hand who caused the disaster snatched the joint from his fingers._

_Seth didn't bother replying, he just took a long puff and his eyes slid shut in bliss as his right leg slid closer to himself, his foot dragging the sheet a bit as it slid through it. He released the smoke and opened his eyes again, shooting Dean a curious glance. "How can you say you can't get any luckier though?" He looked confused, as if he was unable to process Dean's train of thought. He rested the joint on the ashtray to his side when it stopped its slow burn, reached down into his gym short's pockets, frowning as he looked around and couldn’t see it on the mattress either. "My lighter must have fallen off, got one?"_

_Dean chortled and slid his hand into his own shorts, handing a lighter to his friend._

_"Hey! Will you ever stop stealing my lighter? How do you even do it?" the brunette groaned, reaching out for the joint again and ignoring Dean's feigned innocent look. "But man, I'm serious, you've been here in FCW for one year and you haven't won any titles. I wouldn't call that being lucky."_

_Dean was genuinely shocked at Seth's words. After all, he'd spent countless years on the indies and doing anything it took to survive in the business, no matter what, just like he had. If there was anyone who should understand it, it was Seth. He sighed and tangled a hand on Seth's messy bun, hooking a finger on the elastic band, curling it around while the others scratched absently on the brunette's scalp, sliding through the crunchy blond streak up to where it met his natural dark waves. Seth’s eyes fluttered closed as he relaxed under the touch and his lips parted into a merely there smile, his body melting further into the cushion. He gave it a bit of thought as he put his words together. "It's not that difficult to understand. Just think of it. Hey, don't be greedy buddy, pass me that."_

_Seth looked up again and complied, the puzzled look still set on his face as Dean's hand left his hair and fell to his side again. "Nope, I don't. I don't get it. I mean, I could say I can't get any luckier since I've won both championships, I've got the colors to show for it. But you? Yeah, you've been booked as a fucking star, but one that always loses when it counts."_

_Whatever showed on Dean's face, it made Seth shrug indifferently as he propped on his elbows and shifted to sit up crosslegged, his arm resting on the cushion and a knee pushing against the blonde's thigh. It was obvious he truly didn't get it and the intense look in his eyes showed he was trying hard._

_This was not a conversation he'd ever face comfortably if sober, but hiding behind the effect of the weed and whatever he had going on with Seth, he let the calm intimacy of the moment disentangle the knot in his tongue. He was opening up and wasn’t even trying to. A tiny smile tugged at the corners of Dean's lips. "Yeah, you're lucky indeed. And you fucking earned those titles, just like I did, but they didn’t wanna give ‘em to me." he trailed off. His free hand reached forwards and pulled at the seam of Seth's top as he sat a bit straighter. "C'mere_ idiot. _" he mumbled._

_Seth snorted but gave in and scooted a bit closer, slapping Dean's hand away from his body. "Someone's clingy today. You sure I didn't stomp on your skull too hard?" he teased, but curiosity was still present in his expression. "If I didn’t know any better, I’d be worried there’s something you're not telling me. You goin' soft on me?”_

_It took Dean several seconds to react, his brain a tad slower in his current state of increasing high. He made a quick mental note to not load his next joint so much, this shit was stronger than he thought. Once he snapped out of his trance, he elbowed Seth hard in the chest, both men laughing as he fell back on the mattress. "Aww, shut up dude. You wish." he rolled his eyes. "C'mere." he insisted._

_"You could make your fucking mind up you know?" Seth sat up again a bit too fast, his eyes shutting at the sudden dizziness until he could open them again. Dean chuckled, knowing that it was hitting Seth as well, and his friend wasn’t nearly as used to it as he was, just a casual pot smoker. His body leaned closer to Dean, giggling to himself silently. Both were at the point where anything would cause a snicker._

_Dean messed the already loose bun, just to annoy his friend a bit further. "Look at it from my side. One year ago I debuted in FCW. I was under a WWE contract but was living the same shitty life as before. Worked for WWE but it didn't feel like it, to be honest, it still doesn’t. I had to pay a shit load of money to be here in Florida while getting paid shit and working my ass off daily at the PC for what? Just to have a dirty mattress on a filthy hole you couldn't even call a room because I couldn't even manage to rent a shitty apartment. Few years ago, I could consider myself lucky if I could scrap enough cash to eat a decent meal or sleep somewhere other than a sticky floor amongst cigarette butts and filth."_

_He paused and smiled fondly at his coworker. Seth stared back at him, eyes wide and mouth gawking openly. Dean was sure that he was no stranger to these hardships either, even when it was obvious that he didn't go through as much as he did during his time in the indies._

_"A few years ago, I would have to peel my clothes off my wounds, many of them and often big. Believe me, it's not funny to peel off your briefs from a huge infected gash on your ass or your dick." he grimaced at the memory. "One day it'd be glass in my eyes, or a fork stabbing my fuckin' forehead, chainsaws, barbed wire, light tubes… You name it, I’ve been hit, stabbed, burned or cut open by it. I was winning championships everywhere I went, but what brought me to WWE wasn't the titles. It was the shit I had to endure, the character I created in Mox." his chest grew heavy, needing to glance away for a moment before continuing._

_"I lost count of how many times I made fake names up when I had to go to a hospital to get patched up. I even had to sew my fucking nipple back myself when it got torn off." he chuckled, pointing down to it. Seth's wide-eyed gaze followed his hand, focusing on Dean's nipple as he shifted to sit closer and reached towards it, grazing the scarred flesh with his fingertips, his mouth hanging open. Yeah, the kid was in his own world._

_Dean would have taunted him for the mesmerized look on his face. But a shiver took over him at the mix of the pleasant touch and the pot made his skin extra sensitive. The warm digits pressed experimentally to feel the texture and brushed a few gentle circles around it, his rapid breath barely caressing his chest before he let his hand fall off. His gaze stayed fixed there. "I was so fucking drunk and wasted all the time back then that I don't remember half of it. Sometimes I couldn't even feel half of it. I mean I don't know how the fuck I managed to never get any STDs. No idea of how I still have my head and my cock attached to my body, it was that fucked. Hey, ya hypnotized?" he teased, his tone more bitter than he actually felt._

_Seth startled and blinked at him, his mouth still agape. He looked like he wanted to say something but Dean kept on talking before he could. He was feeling talkative, it felt good to share his story at that moment._

_"Sometimes I was so fucked up that I couldn't tell between my real life and Moxley's promos. I would pour my real heart on my promos and live Moxley's gimmick, didn’t know where he ended and I started. Wrestling saved me, but I tell ya that's not how I wanted to live wrestling. I really didn't wanna do these things, but if I had to go through that just to be able to wrestle, I'd do it over and over again to get here. Careful there or you gonna catch a fly if you don't close your mouth. Here, smoke." he snorted as he pushed Seth's gaping jaw back up to close his mouth, placing the stick between his lips._

_"So, the way I see it, I can't get any luckier right now, wrestling doesn't owe me anything, I owe wrestling. After all that crap, I'm not on hard drugs anymore and will stop the pot when I get called up. I'm not banging my head against walls anymore, trying to tell the difference between myself and the Moxley character I created to wrestle. I pay for a decent room at Cassady's place, ate a warm, real meal today and even had enough food to share with you. Look around this room, I have a fan, a bed, a nightstand, a laptop. I even have a damn closet with some clothes that have no blood stains and a tv just for me. My things, my home. I made it to developmental in WWE, which means I made it to WWE, what I always wanted." he took a deep breath, letting the memories race through his mind but not dwelling on them._

_"Seth, you and I, we had and still have this amazing feud that's gonna launch the both of us to the stratosphere when we make it to the main roster. I know I'll be called up to the main roster at some point. While I wait for it, I'm having this insane feud with William fucking Regal, one of the best heels ever. He adores me and I'm learning so much from. him. It’s a fucking dream to have him support me like that, he told me the other day WWE is thinking to pitch me against a hardcore legend when I get to Raw, to launch me as a huge deal. I'm fucking living my dream and having the most satisfactory year of my life. The shit I've done and gone through is going to stay in here. But I’m in peace now." he pointed to his forehead. "And my shit will also on the internet forever to remind me the low shit I was in case I forget. But also how I got out of it and grew into who I know I really am, to ground me if I lose my fucking mind or get lazy. You still think I'm not lucky enough?"_

_Seth's gaze lowered in shame, seemingly unable to stand Dean's calm smile. He fidgeted a bit and looked up as he exhaled the smoke with a hesitant gleam in his eyes. "Fuck… never thought of it like_ that. _" he admitted softly, the intensity in his frown a big contrast with his voice._

_His hand went back to Dean's chest, his fingers spreading between his pectorals as he pushed the blonde gently back to his previous position, leaning against the pillows. Seth's other hand dropped the finished joint on the ashtray. "But… you aren't lucky Dean. That's not luck, it's so fucked up that you think like that. You fuckin' earned this, worked your ass off to get here and nobody's gonna take that from ya. You deserve glory. You know I'm never kidding when I say that we are the future of the business, the best FCW or even WWE has to offer right now."_

_Dean felt his chest tighten and had to look away, overwhelmed by his friend's words. "Fuck_ yeah. _" he muttered as he tried to regain his senses. He hadn't felt that vulnerable in ages and found himself surprised by the heavy feeling on his chest easing. And all he'd done was vomit his heart out in the form of words. In a way, the feeling was similar to the relief after cutting a Moxley promo, but there was no rage in his room, just a sense of familiarity._

_It hit him that this was the first time he opened up to the brunette in the long and intense year they'd known each other, it was never his intention to do so. This stoned conversation felt way more intimate than it had any right to be. Way more than any other moment or touches they shared inside and out of the ring so far. "Fuck yeah." he returned Seth's stare, surprised his friend hadn’t moved a muscle._

_"C'mere, Seth." he breathed, reaching out for Seth's neck as he tried to sit up a bit straighter and falling back when he failed, stumbling to regain his balance. Both snickered and Dean tried again, this time his thumb dug into Seth's jawbone as he encouraged him to get closer until they looked eye to eye, their noses squeezed together hard. "Ya get it now?" his voice was merely a low rasp, again serious and intense._

_No words left Seth's mouth, only a shaky exhale followed by a slow nod against Dean's nose that came out clumsy. As a soft chuckle tickled his lips, Dean idly wondered how it must look from the outside if anyone saw the pair of alpha males making such fools of themselves and how he didn't give a fuck about it. He felt so relaxed, so relieved and completely driven by the intimacy of the moment._

_For some reason, Dean felt like it was the first time it happened, whatever the hell it was. Had he given any fucks, he would have called himself a liar. But some things, he just didn't think or talk about._

_Dean crashed his lips hard against Seth's still giggling mouth, both pulling away and laughing after their foreheads hit painfully. His hand fell off his friend's face as the two flopped back against the pillows. Dean's world was spinning too fast to notice anything other than Seth's hysterical laughter, the tears against his shoulder. He didn't expect him to move so suddenly._

_One hand propped Seth's body back up pushing down on Dean's chest and the other set on his hairline, holding onto the messy blonde locks and keeping his head still. The roughness of the touch just mixed with their playfulness, adding to the tingle spreading all over his body in spite of their awkward position. Dean didn’t care. "See Deano, ya going soft on me." his voice was low and shaky as he sniggered. Dean wiped the tears away from Seth's eyes with his thumbs, barely able to breathe from laughing so much. "We've done better than this, must be the worst kiss ever dude."_

_Seth tried to initiate another kiss, pressing his lips against Dean's, both still chuckling against each other's mouths, unable to stop, breathless and happy. He too failed in his attempt, managing to only capture the blonde's lower lip, Dean feeling the pleasant scratch of Seth's short beard against his skin before both groaned in frustration and drew back. "Not gonna be able to look at you in the face ever again." Dark brows furrowed together as Dean wrapped an arm around Seth's waist, trying to lift him up to sit him on his lap. Rollins was way heavier than he looked though, and didn't get the hint of what he tried to do._

_None of them really felt any shame, just the electric buzz of their chemistry prickling wherever their skin touched with an added hint of annoyance at their clumsiness. "Hey, it's fun anyway innit?" Dean struggled to breathe through his nose, feeling inebriated, unable to stop laughing as he realized the tears pooling at the corners of his eyes blurred his sight. "Never laughed so damn much trying to kiss someone."_

_He blinked the tears away to watch Seth blowing his nose with some tissue, his face and neck flushed and his hair a helpless mess almost completely out of the bun already, blonde and black strands sticking out, waving into each other, some framing his face, others sticking to his neck. A tan leg swung over Dean's to move over and straddle his lap, adding extra heat as knees and thighs pressed against his body, the visible tightening of their muscles as they did and a hint of hesitation crossing the gleaming brown eyes before he finally sat down and found himself a comfortable fit. One of Seth's hands went back to try to find his balance against the blonde's chest and the other clutched at his own belly, his forehead resting against Dean’s chin for a few long breaths. "Oh fuck, I can't stop. My face hurts. That shit was too strong, da fuck we smoked?" he opened his mouth wide and wiggled his jaw a bit, the crack of his bones loud enough for Dean to hear._

_Dean couldn't help himself. An amused yelp escaped Seth chapped lips as his friend nipped along his jawline, playful tiny bites that caught more facial hair than actual skin, his head tilting back a bit, a sound that was neither a sigh nor a soft moan. Their foreheads met again, both men needed a minute to calm down a bit and catch their breath._

_And Dean was breathless again as his mind slowly processed the sight in front of his eyes and the thoughts that just raced in his mind._

_Had it been somewhere else, somebody else, another moment, another life… He would have torn his heart out of his chest and handed it over to the man on top of him wrapped in a ribbon of words that could explain what he saw. But he was as speechless as he was out of breath._

_So Dean did the only thing he could muster, stare at Seth and tell himself they'd never done this before and would never do it again. Just like both would pretend it never happened the moment 'whatever it was' ended._

_You're not a liar if nobody can call you out for it._

_"Last. Fucking. Try." determination showed on Seth's flushed face as his weight shifted and he leaned forward again, this time managing something that resembled more of an actual kiss than their previous attempts._

_The two men vibrated against each other's dry lips, oversensitive from the cocktail of being stoned, the edge of the extended laughter making their nerves stand up and the strange yet absorbing arousal such an awkward, clumsy moment was still able to bring to the table. That must be the craziest weird foreplay session ever, and Dean had seen a lot of crazy and weird when it came to sex. It was also the funniest without a doubt and he was loving every second of it despite the disaster it was. That was something he almost felt ready to not deny._

_He didn't know back then that he'd remember it with a fond smile, unable to stop himself from chuckling at the memory for years to come. That he’d end up wondering if it would be the same for Seth._

_As ridiculous as the situation was, it felt natural, it felt right and both were enjoying whatever the hell it was._

_Loud gasps were muffled by their lips touching again as their position shifted, the friction of their hips being too much on their oversensitive state, sending both back to into laughter. Seth buried his face in Dean's neck, obviously unable to stand the laughing fit anymore, shaking against his friend's skin._

_It was an absurd contrast for Dean as his mind spun around in circles. Seth didn’t appear to be doing any better but none of them tried to stop._

_He was delirious, one sensation at a time and so fast that he felt them all at once and at the same time didn’t._

_Dean felt the warmth of the shaky body so close to his, the hand on his chest pressing down, the fingertips of another digging hard on his side into the spaces between his ribs. The sound of their ragged breath, Seth's chapped lips and beard tickling his neck, shoulder, wherever he could nuzzle. The maddening slow rock of their hips against each other as Dean's fingers dug into Seth's hipbones, somehow getting tangled on his top and waistband of his shorts. The slow friction of his shorts against his erection and Seth’s own rubbing against him. The stream of air from the fan washing over them as it rotated and its constant noise. A low moan he couldn't care less about silencing. Or maybe it was Seth's?_

_He didn't give a fuck, and while some voice on the back of his mind wondered how they could even be hard in such a crazed state, he felt too good to stop and think about it. He just felt._

_Seth seemed to regain his senses for a second and he straightened up, his lips parted, both still shaking as they kissed again, growing hungry while their bodies kept their slow pace. None said it but it wasn't needed. Their behavior denoted both were aiming for sensation, not actually getting off._

_And there was just too much sensation._

_The hand on Dean's chest started a slow trail down, fingers dragging slightly as they followed the line of hair in his torso as it rose and fell in heavier breaths. It stopped when it grazed the waistband of his shorts, palm splayed and digits digging in, squeezing the taut skin on his navel. Dean gasped when Seth slowly released the pressure and his thumb slid under the elastic waistband, just rubbing against the skin below before sliding up again._

_Seth didn't stop his hand there. He pressed his palm to the waistband again and traveled down as he felt over the stretched fabric, rubbing small circles against Dean's erection before squeezing him firmly through his shorts. A low moan made its way up his throat as pleasure rode through him._

_Just as the tip of Dean's tongue attempted to trace his friend's lips, the brunette was trying to catch his lower lip for a playful bite and missed, biting his tongue instead. Probably way harder than he intended._

_It resulted on Dean yelping and both roaring with laughter again, Seth pushing his friend away before he crawled off his lap, clutching his belly and coughing. "Oh my…" he hiccupped and punched his own chest. "Holy shit… Please, just fuckin'-" he started coughing again and Dean laughed harder. "I give up Dean. Don't know what the fuck's wrong with us today… but just- just stop." If he had to look at the bright side, he wasn’t really annoyed about cutting it off at that point if they had to, and just go back to it when they were back to their senses._

_Dean crawled awkwardly towards his friend, agreeing that they should stop before they ended up at the hospital yet not really wanting to, enjoying this play too much. He cupped Seth's face in his hands to keep him still and trying to avoid more misfortunes as he pressed an enthusiastic kiss to his lips. Dean lifted his hips a couple inches to try and release the fabric trapped under his legs when he sat, relief washing over him. His smile widened as he felt the brunette's lips part and respond to it with a tentative tongue sliding into his mouth, a soft hum swallowed by Dean as their kisses deepened and they grew bolder._

_Pale hands roamed down Seth's hips again, lifting his top to slid them inside and groping his sides, the skin underneath warm and well-defined. A whimper, but Dean didn't know who it came from. He was too busy touching Seth, kneading the firm muscles of his thigh as he slid his hand up under the loose shorts, his fingers lifting the well-worn fabric of his boxers to keep sliding towards him, feeling the skin burning wherever they touched._

_"Yo, Deano I'm home!! That's Seth with you? Could hear you two laughing while opening the door, buddy." Colin's bark echoed in Dean's room, making both freeze in place. A moment later, a loud knock on the door had Seth jumping away from Dean and vice versa._

_The two men broke into a new fit of laughter and Dean somehow had enough awareness to place the cushion back on his lap. "Man I brought chicken curry, there's enough for the three of- da fuck's going on?" The door swung open and Dean could only laugh harder at his roommate's puzzled look._

_Judging by the face Cass was making, they must be quite a sight._

_Seth lied onto his stomach in the middle of the bed, hiccupping with his face flushed, his forehead resting on his forearm and his wavy hair a tangled mess of black and blonde getting everywhere, the bun long gone. He looked sweaty and exhausted and was just hysterical. “Can’t fucking believe this.” He mumbled under his breath again and again._

_Dean had fallen back against the pillows and hugged the cushion against his body, tears streaming down his face and a couple of them trailing down his neck. He just couldn’t stop. He felt his body burning and flustered, his foot kicking on the bed, just as sweaty and disheveled as Seth was._

_"Oh my fucking god I need to pee, I just can't." Seth blatantly lied. He turned over and sat up, his back facing Cass as he threw a desperate look at Dean, his eyes drifting down towards his shorts. Dean followed his gaze and bit the inside of his cheek until it hurt, needing to come down from the high and the turn so he could face his roommate. He watched Seth discretely reposition the obvious tent in his shorts as best as he could before he turned around and crawled off the bed. It didn’t help. Dean kept staring at an empty spot on his bed as Seth left the room in a rush, some scattered laughs still reaching the room when the bathroom door shut closed._

_“What the hell did I just-” Colin's eyebrows shot up as he trailed off, his brain apparently unable to process the scene rolling in front of his eyes. He blinked several times until he finally managed to speak. "W- what the fuck man? What was that? Did I just interrupt-" a confused frown took over him and he blushed as he looked around the room then back to Dean. The blonde just gulped and pointed towards the small wooden box on his nightstand, where he stored his smoking supplies._

_Seth came back into the room a minute later, still flushed and raking his fingers through his hair to put it back into a bun. He had straightened his clothes and he looked decent again if a bit annoyed and dizzy. He shrugged at the look he got from Cass and he clumsily approached the bed, flopping down on it “Think I shouldn’t have moved that fast. I see three of you Cass.” He mumbled, his face going paler._

_Finally, Cass seemed to snap out of it and put two and two together as he sniffed the air, not noticing earlier due to the confusion and crazed guys he'd found. "Are you that high?" he chuckled as he saw Seth's nod very slowly as he massaged his jaw. Dean was just thankful that the strong smell masked any other potential clues of what was going on earlier. "For a moment I legit thought I caught you fucking." the seven-foot tall man shook his head and lifted his hands, showing up his palms. "Know what? I don't even wanna know."_

_Dean made a huge effort not to break into another laughing fit again. "Nah dude, ya need to get laid more often so you can stop thinking everybody else is fucking each other.“ he teased. “I just need to find a new dealer. Whatever this shit was, it's too much. I doubt anyone could even try to do waaaay less than fucking while being on that."_

_Dean gave up and allowed the roar of nervous laughter to run through him, wincing as the pain returned to his shoulder and he remembered how sore he actually was. It made sense now that his senses weren’t under the stream of sensation from earlier. He barely heard Seth chuckling as he rolled his shoulders carefully to make sure everything was into place. "Holy shit I'm hurting all over. Ya stayin' for dinner Seth?"_

_Seth beamed as soon as he heard the word 'dinner'. The bright smile he shot Dean across the bed eased him into a better mood after the interruption. He felt good and actually wanted his friend to stay longer. "Sure, don't think I can drive like this anyway and I'm starving." Finesse at its maximum, the bastard could surely talk a triple meaning._

_Or maybe he wasn’t, but Dean didn’t plan on asking him anyway. After all, there were things they never talked about and he had no intention on that changing anytime soon._

_Or ever._

 

Dean realized he had spaced out and hadn't moved from the spot where he found Renee. He had no idea for how long he'd been there but it probably was a little while.

He chuckled silently at the fond memory, suddenly feeling lighter as he strolled towards the locker room in autopilot. Every step he took, the irregular beating of his heart seemed to calm down a bit, the tightness clutching his stomach and chest dissipated as they were replaced by warmth.

The Lunatic Fringe was pleased that he didn't have to plaster a fake grin on his face as he entered the locker room, so caught in his own thoughts he almost bumped into Roman. " _Uce_ , I was gonna get you, you took forever to come back! Gonna shower or what?" the Samoan's amused smile widened to match Dean's as he took on the look on his friend's face. "Even Seth's ready to go, he's on Twitter already checking for reactions to our reunion." he turned around and pointed to a close bench where the Architect sat looking tense, his stuff already neatly packed and ready to leave. If anything was wrong with him, Dean wasn't paying attention.

Seth looked up at them and his expression changed immediately, a mischievous grin stretching his lips but not fast enough. "Deano! What did Renee do to you out there?" he teased, wiggling his eyebrows. "You're gonna have a case of Joker split face if you smile any wider." Roman grabbed the blonde's shoulders and shook him, the three friends laughing as the powerhouse threw some ' _Ooohs_ ', ' _Aaahs_ ' and ' _More_!' into the air, the remaining wrestlers in the locker room joining him for the fun and cheers for a moment.

Dean shrugged. "Naah, I wish! I was just in my world, laughing my ass off like an idiot." He glanced around and walked towards his bench, throwing his towel there and rummaging through his bag to get his stuff and go for a quick shower. The grin came back to his lips and he felt bold enough to share a bit more with his friends. "Don't ask me why 'cause I don't know, but I just remembered this night when I lived with Cass. You weren't there  _Uce_ , but really, it was…" He snickered as his eyes traveled from Roman to Seth, both looking confused. His gaze set on the younger wrestler, a little breathless but unable to stop the fond smile from bringing his dimples out. "Never laughed so much in my life man. 'Member that night Seth? You almost peed yourself, when I got this insane weed and we couldn’t stop laughing?"

For a brief moment, Seth looked shocked, his eyes and mouth dropping wide open but he quickly bent over, cackling aloud. He composed himself quickly, his gaze warm and bright as it locked on Dean's and a little wistful smile ghosting over his lips. "How could I? No way I'm ever forgetting that night. Oh my god Roman." His smile lingered as he turned his attention to the Samoan. "Man, you should have seen the face Cass made when he walked into the room and found us rolling around the bed like croquettes, hundred percent out of our minds. Really." his arms flailed around hyping up the story. "You get a bunch of banshees stoned and you get the scene, it was hysterical." The brunette took a deep breath and fanned his face with a hand, leaning back on his bench. "Can you believe the guy thought he was walking on us screwing? Should've seen his face. I think we can easily blame him for being the first ever Ambrollins shipper."

It was an innocent, light-hearted comment, but Dean still flinched, uneasiness setting into his stomach again as he took in Roman's sarcastic look and blamed himself for mentioning the story. The blonde would swear the Samoan muttered something along the lines of ' _Wouldn't be surprised_ ' through his teeth. A smirk replaced it soon enough before he turned around and he took his phone out of his bag. "Well, when he comes back from his injury, you can blame it on him then. Or the whole world at this point!" he teased.

“Guys, five minutes ok? Just wanna get outta here.” Dean barely heard the bickering continuing between his teammates as rose to his feet and paced towards the showers, his mind drowning into itself again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that this chapter is in the archives, a note in case they're needed due to how heavy it is on the drug use:
> 
> \- I am NOT trying to encourage drug use in any way. I DO encourage you to NOT do drugs.
> 
> With that out of the way, I hope you saw past the drug use and were able to focus on past Dean/current Dean, the way his view of the world and attitude differs depending on his state, his struggles, perceptions, impulses and constant contradictions. Collected thoughts and awareness that can quickly turn into a crazy mess of non stop overthinking, overfeeling. Since we only get his POV, we can never know what's true, what's not or if at some points he lies to himself or ignores. All we have is his voice.
> 
> If you felt he spoke way too much during the flashback, read his explanation about being lucky again with some Jon Moxley promos playing in the background ;)
> 
> But enough with what I tried to portray, I'm more interested on knowing how YOU feel about this chapter. It runs heavy on Deanee and then, to put it in Dean's words, it dives deep into "whatever he had going on with Seth". Am I an arrogant bitch if I confess to you that I LOVE how the frustrated sex scene came out? While writing it, there were moments I felt like I was intruding lol. What do you think is going on between Dean and Seth? Where does that leave Renee? BTW, isn't she awesome? Where is this going? Whether you liked it or not, please let me know. 
> 
> Reader interaction, besides being appreciated and making me a happy woman can also spark interesting debates and conversations and I'm always in for those. Please share your feelings with me!
> 
> See you very soon! :)
> 
> UPDATE: I decided to create a little Tumblr (Besaster) where I'll share little snippets, previews, and insight on the series. It's a strictly writing account so I won't mingle around in the fandom but you may like taking a look from time to time and can contact me there if you want to.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The guys try their best to relax and enjoy, but tension is thick and it ends up exploding as the night goes on. Dean discovers he isn't the only one struggling to keep his head off the water. Seth and Roman are there to force him to face things he can't cope with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! Here we are with a new -and again LONG- update. This chapter is already over 7K words and for the next couple weeks, I will barely be able to sit down and write so I let the mammoth unleashed today to make up for it. As of now, I can finally confirm Overwhelmed will be 5 chapters long.
> 
> My work vacation is going to be over now and my schedule will be crazy until mid-November so I can't promise to update before then even if I'll try to write when I get a chance at the airport, home, etc. I'll try to post mini previews though, I created a little writing Tumblr for it (Besaster, just like here). So you can go there for more insight, previews, comments or if you wanna talk to me about the fic out of here.
> 
> The lyrics I used belong to "Same Old War" by Our Last Night. 
> 
> Enjoy and thanks for reading!
> 
> IMPORTANT:  
> Italics are for flashbacks. And yes, as always, flashbacks are excerpts from scenes that will appear in Part 2.  
> Centered text in BOLD Italics is for lyrics.  
> WARNINGS: Panic attacks, depression, alcohol use, language.

**Monday, October 9th, 2017**

Night

 

_**I've been fighting the same old war** _

_**Against a disease without a cure** _

_**Been holding on for so long, for so long, for so long** _

_**I've been wishing upon a star** _

_**As my universe falls apart** _

_**I feel so far from the sky as my dreams are flying by** _

 

Dean hadn’t realized that he’d been staring at the tips of his boots for several minutes until Roman’s concerned voice snapped him out of it. “Hm? What? Fuck! Sorry man, think I took an open-eyed nap.“ he mumbled as an apology and stood up from the bench in the shower area, grabbed his neatly folded ring gear and his used towel, following him silently into the locker room.

Roman placed a heavy hand on his shoulder and gave it a friendly squeeze. “Y’alright Uce?“ he queried softly.

Dean patted his friend’s hand absently. “It’s been a long day, I'm just tired and hungry. Just wanna get some food and chill at the hotel. I’m sure whiskey will help!“ he tried to force a grin and brighten up for his friend.

He had certainly taken a long time to shower and dress judging by the emptiness of the locker room. The rest of the roster had left already and only the three members of the Shield and their luggage remained in the room.

As his feet dragged him towards his bench, he caught the familiar metallic noise of loud music banging on headphones and he glanced towards Seth. The Architect was sitting on his own bench with his head tilted back against the wall. If it wasn’t for the slight nodding moves from his chin and the rapid tapping of his foot on the floor, he would have looked like he was asleep and having a bad dream. Dark eyebrows furrowed and his eyes were shut tight as well as his mouth. Without any make-up covering his skin anymore, he looked pale, exhaustion shadowing the area under his eyes, a small bruise on his temple. His jaw looked painfully tight and he seemed to be crushing his phone into his hand, which seemed to be pressing against his jeans. He oozed tension and Dean had no idea why, and to be honest he didn’t really care as he felt himself boil with rage and desperation towards him. If Seth noticed his teammates stepping back into the room, he made no attempt to acknowledge it.

Dean looked away and threw his stuff inside his bag, resisting the sudden urge to close the distance with his friend and punch him until he bled. Irrational thoughts spun around his mind and he felt his breath catch as his chest heaved.

He regretted mentioning the story, for some reason he felt humiliated, derided. A very small voice in his mind told him that it wasn’t a big deal, that he was overreacting. It reminded him that he’d never regretted whatever it was that he had going on with Seth, whatever the fuck it was.

Still, Seth’s comment about Cass thinking he’d caught them —or in their case if he was honest, attempting— screwing around and bringing the Ambrollins thing up made him apprehensive and triggered anxiety to a level that wasn’t easy to handle. There were things they just didn’t talk about, didn’t think about. Seth mentioning it, even if it was a joke sparked a feeling of betrayal and hate shook all over him, swirling around with a mix of hurt and confusion.

Didn’t he realize that he added fuel to the fire? What would happen if this kept getting out of control? Was he so stupid that he wanted to get in even more trouble? Wasn’t he living his dream as well, why did he want to fuck it up? Knowing deep down that he was being unfair to his friend and that he made no sense didn’t help him snap out of it, it just added guilt to the cocktail or irrational thoughts that he didn’t want screwing him up.

He blamed Seth for making him uncomfortable and somehow breaking a pact that was never made. Even when his voice sounded innocent and wistful after the initial shock, almost scared to add anything to Dean’s words but unable to stop beaming at the memory when he said it. If he didn’t know any better, it would have felt like Seth was happy to talk about it and that there was no malice to it. And hell, it was Dean who mentioned the story to start with. But he shoved these thoughts aside because he couldn’t handle anything at the moment.

Because you _are_ a liar if someone can call you out on it.

And then, there was Roman.

His sarcastic ‘ _Wouldn’t be surprised_ ‘, the arched eyebrow. Did Roman speculate about them too? Was the powerhouse creating stories about them or had any real ones to tell behind his back? Was he annoyed, or was it disbelief? Didn’t Roman feel close enough to him to just ask him if he was so curious? He didn’t want to face the Samoan or any conversation of the sort at the same time yet it angered him. He suddenly didn’t want to share an extra minute of his time with them, wanted to run away.

But Dean didn’t want to look up to face the possibility of his friends staring at his weird behavior. He _knew_ they would.

 

_**And they say it's a battle that can't be won** _

_**We need our knives, we need our guns** _

 

He zipped the bag up and opened the side pocket to check on his phone. He had three messages from Renee. Dean released a breath he hadn’t noticed he was holding and felt some of the pressure lift, a small smile tugging at his lips after he tapped on the notification. The first message was a picture of a restaurant menu, and her nail was signaling at a vegetable roast on it.

The second was a selfie with Lita and Charly’s, the three girls toasting with a beer in their hands. It was candid, none of them actually posing for the camera as they apparently bumped their glasses a bit too hard and the picture had caught a stream of beer falling down the air and some splashing out from the top of Charly’s pint. He couldn’t help but smile at the sight of the three women laughing and surprised. The last one was a simple ‘Have fun and relax babe! We’re toasting for u‘ ending on a heart emoticon.

Anxiety still had his heart beating painfully, his stomach clenched, his lungs at a low capacity, but it somehow morphed into exhaustion. He sent a quick reply, telling them not to waste sacred beer, that they looked gorgeous and wishing them a nice night out.

Dean looked up when he heard the familiar sound of suitcase wheels rolling on the floor and saw Roman walking towards the door. The Samoan stopped by Seth, who hadn’t moved since the last time Dean glanced his way, and ruffled his hair to let him know they were ready to go. The Architect blinked at Roman and his previous tension seemed to disappear instantly, the scowl replaced by a smirk. “Finally!! And you guys say I take forever to get ready…“ he whined. “I’m starving and can’t drink until I get there. We should take turns to drive sometimes you know?“

Roman turned around as he opened the door with a mischievous grin. “You really wanna risk any of us driving?“ Seth was already on his feet and engaged on some bickering with the older man, Dean following them quietly behind. It was the longest Monday in his entire life.

***

The three wrestlers were relieved that their drive that night would only last a bit over thirty minutes. On top of that, they had a late flight the next day so they didn’t need to ride all night or be up too early. Dean relaxed immediately when Roman informed him their interviews the next day were scheduled after lunchtime. They were grateful for it after such a long day.

On the way out to the car and as soon as the street air hit him, Dean felt better and noticed how his mind was going back to a safe, sane place.

Seth drove, as usual, Dean was the ‘wingman’ as they joked when they taped ‘Ride Along’ for the WWE Network a few days back, and Roman was sprawled on the back seat. They stopped at a drive-thru for some burgers and fries, even Seth, who usually traveled with his own food indulged due to the special occasion. They also pulled by a small store close to the arena where they bought a few six-packs of beer to go with the whiskey bottle they bought on their way to the arena earlier.

When Roman and Dean approached their rental again, they rolled their eyes at the loud blast of music inside. Seth had entertained himself connecting his phone’s bluetooth to the car and apparently wanted to _delight_ them with his playlist. Dean groaned as soon as he set his butt on the seat and turned the volume down until it was just a nice background sound, only interrupted by the scattered instructions from the GPS application.

Dean snatched a beer from Roman’s hand and both toasted while Seth did the same with a bottle of water. Nobody complained when Seth turned the volume up a bit and the three let a comfortable silence take over the car, only broken by Roman sending voice messages to his daughter and listening to her replies.

The Lunatic Fringe kept on sipping on his cold beer and let out a bitter laugh, more like a strangled gasp as he closed his eyes and listened to the song playing.

 

_**Should I run away and change my name** _

_**Or should I stay and fight** _

_**Through the night** _

_**And never close my eyes?** _

_**I'll never close my eyes** _

 

_Dean was seething._

_The last thing he expected when he was informed he would appear on the Stone Cold Podcast was the prosecution and cornering that he found himself into._

_He’d been excited at first, he had. Who wouldn’t want to celebrate becoming the WWE champion sitting down with Steve Austin? He’d grown up admiring the guy and there were some obvious similarities between their characters and personas besides their love for beer._

_So when he was assaulted constantly with questions about the past he didn’t want and wasn’t allowed to talk about, attacked mercilessly with accusations of being lazy, of phoning it on, on not being a suitable champion… he’d_ been _ready to lose it. It had taken all his self-control not to tell the legend to go fuck himself. Or just punch the smugness off his face and storm out of the room._

_Austin had done everything he could and more to make him uncomfortable, and Dean couldn’t understand why, since the Hall of Famer knew exactly the things that couldn’t be said anymore in WWE._

_“I swear… never been so offended by an interview.“ he paced around the room, kicking the heavy wooden table, crashing his fist against the marble tv stand, anything within his reach. “You think that’s normal babe? Da fuck… was he trying to get me fired or what?“ he looked at Renee, desperate for answers. He must look_ crazed, _like he expected her to have a time machine that allowed him to go back and just kick the shit out of Stone Cold Steve Austin. Or run away from the television set before the interview even started._

 _Renee was in the farther corner of the room, sitting on the edge of the bed, a somber look on her face. “I’m so sorry Dean… I wish I had known about the content so you could’ve prepared better.“ she bit his lip and tilted her head to the side. “But it was_ live _so it’s not like it could’ve been avoided you know?“ she slowly rose to her feet and approached her partner, gingerly grasping his tee shirt._

_“Hey…“ her voice was barely a whisper and Dean could tell she was conflicted. “I’m not going to lie to you, hun. You didn’t handle the interview well and that’s on you.“ her voice gained determination with every new word leaving her lips. “But I don’t think any less of you because of it. I don’t think any less of you because of your past. It’s all over the internet anyway, but I understand you don’t want it thrown at you all the time.“_

 

_**I've come too far to go back now** _

_**To turn into a face in the crowd** _

_**Been on this road for so long, for so long, for so long** _

_**Convinced there is no way out** _

_**My world is turned upside down** _

_**My sense of direction's been gone, for so long, for so long** _

 

_“I’m so fucked, I’m so fucked!“ he dropped onto the sofa, unleashing his frustration as he hit the cushion next to him in rage again and again. “They’re gonna take the title off me, how long until Russo, Meltzer and all the ‘insiders‘ start talking shit about me and agreeing with him on me not deserving to be champion?“ he leaned forward, hiding his face in his hands, his feet tapping the floor without control. “Fuck, Renee… you know what this means, you do as well as I do.“_

_Renee didn’t say anything, she just sat cross-legged on the coffee table across him and stared at her boyfriend, letting him put his thoughts in order and let go of what was eating him inside._

_“Now all the interviews are gonna go back to it, bringing up my past, the drugs, my childhood. They gonna start diggin’ around and throwing it to me. To you.“ a raging cry left his lips. “Fuck, babe. I’m finally the WWE champion and nobody gives a shit about it, seems to be more urgent to make me feel undeserving than enjoying the ride and letting me find my feet as a champion.” he scrubbed his palms against his eyes and knew his pain and desperation was showing in them and were pouring all over Renee, him, the whole damn hotel room. “And the fans… some of them have even tried to find my mother in the past, threatened her for making their beloved lunatic the fucked up piece of shit he is today. And none of this makes any sense, none of this is okay.“ his voice was broken and his throat burned._

_“Dean.“ she sighed but her voice was firm. “Snap the fuck out of it already.“ she didn’t flinch at whatever showed in his face. “You owned all that crap in the past, you do it now. Your past is there, you’ve shared it and with the way this world works you would’ve never been able to hide it if you wanted. It would have been a lot worse if it wasn’t out there and they aired it now.“ she lifted a hand when he tried to interrupt, making it clear she wasn’t done. “You were uncomfortable there, you didn’t handle it well, you froze and became anxious. Now you learn from it, own it and shut their mouths up by being the amazing champion we both know you are.“ she inched a bit closer and squeezed his knee, her hand lingering there. Confidence shone through her, and Dean felt her determination making him stronger, bring him back to focus._

_“Of course I will. This is gonna be the Summer of Ambrose. People out there won’t give a fuck about what it means to me that the company trusted me with that belt, that I made it. They won’t care about how full I feel because I’m finally at the top of the mountain…“ he slid the palm of his hand over Renee’s, curling his fingers around it. “But they’ll care about the matches I’m gonna have, I’m gonna give my best promos, my best everything, gonna leave my fucking mark.”_

_Dean brought her hand towards his lips, not really pressing a kiss, just brushing her skin against his as he rose to his feet. “They’re gonna see why Vince trusted me with that fucking belt, and it’s not just because Roman failed a drug test. I’m not ashamed of who I am, of what I’ve done. But WWE was clear and I can’t fuck this up. They hired me because of Moxley, but they didn’t hire him nor will they allow his shit around. There is no place for Mox’s antics on a PG environment. I can't afford any more PR issues or scandals.” he shook his head and took a deep breath._

_“But hear my words babe, after all I had to go through, all that shit to get to where I’m now, imagine what I’m willing to do to stay.“ he felt his entire being shiver under the intensity of his own words, watching Renee’s awestruck expression, biting her lower lip before she reacted._

_“That’s my boy!! That’s my boy!!“ she roared and jumped into his arms, both laughing as they nearly tumbled down into the couch._

_That night set the course of his downfall, just like he expected from the moment the first uncomfortable question from Steve Austin made its way through his ears._

_**Stay strong, keep moving, can't let the darkness blind us** _

_**Carry on, we'll be the ones that pull the stars down to us** _

_**Stay strong, keep moving, can't let the darkness blind us** _

_**Carry on, we'll be the ones that pull the stars down to us** _

 

A rough finger inside his mouth, hooked and tugging the corner of his lips shocked Dean back to the inside of the rental car, forcing his face to the side. He was so startled he almost dropped the beer, leaping in his seat and slapping the intruding hand as he opened his eyes. When had he closed them? “Da fuck Seth?“ he groaned in annoyance.

On the driver seat, Seth guffawed. “Holy shit should’ve seen your face man.“ playful mischief danced on his dark gaze before he turned his attention back to the road. “We’re almost there,“ he muttered pointing to his phone. “You sure ya wanna go for the drinks? You look like you’d rather fall asleep on the spot.“

Dean just shrugged indifferently, which the Architect wouldn’t see anyway with his sight on the road. He peered at Seth, actually registering for the first time that something was off on his behavior that night. He always found it amusing how Seth could always sit so straight, he was so different from Roman and himself. Dean would always slouch, not really caring about his posture while the powerhouse would sprawl himself and own wherever he sat. Three guys who couldn’t be any more different but were the perfect combination when they were on the same page.

No, the way he sat was not what was off with Seth. What wasn’t right was his tense focus on the road, the slight narrowing of his eyes, his fingers clasped on the wheel like they wanted to tear through the leather, his lack of reaction to the music.

Then a voice hit him from behind. He’d almost forgotten Roman was also in the car. “… but now you kiss mum and the twins goodnight and go to bed, right baby? Good girl, daddy loves you so, so, so, much!“ apparently the Samoan had ended up calling his daughter after exchanging several voice messages. His voice was tender, a bit higher pitched than usual. “I’m proud of you too baby, will tell uncle Deano and Seth you’re proud of them as well. G’night baby I love you. Wanna get home tomorrow so we can play… but now you be good and go to bed. Pass the phone to mommy, princess.“ Dean turned around and flashed his friend a broad smile when he took in his expression.

“Hey babe, we’re getting to the hotel now.“ a little chuckle and a pause as he listened to his wife. “Love ya too. Yeah, gonna eat something and hit a few drinks with the guys- nope, not going out, we’re drinking at Seth’s room. But looking at these fuckers, they’re gonna be snoring before we get in. Call me later babe? We’re there already.“ he smirked at whatever his wife said. “Sure, me too. Talk to you later, babe.“ the Samoan ended the call and drummed on the back of Dean’s seat as Seth pulled over on the hotel’s parking. “So, ya up for some celebrating or what?“

“I’m tired but I’m in bro!“ Seth squealed and he looked at Dean with an arched eyebrow. “Deano?“

Dean considered it for a moment. He was back to a better place, with two people who had walked the walk with him, who accepted him unconditionally and were always there for him through his struggles. He couldn’t say no. “Fuck yeah, no way in hell I’m gonna waste that JD.“

***

Roman hadn’t lied to his wife. The three performers decided to hang out in Seth’s room since he was the only one rooming alone and the powerhouse would probably wrap it up early to speak with his wife. It was also the best option in case Renee returned early from her girls night out.

The guys were tired but the camaraderie and friendly back and forth banter were back as they devoured dinner and enjoyed a beer. Roman and Seth sat on the sofa while Dean was on the floor, sitting on a cushion. They had plenty of food, drinks and no need to be up early in the morning, so spending the night celebrating the Shield’s reunion was the plan for the night. At the same pace he stuffed his stomach with food, he could feel himself brightening, his previous dark thoughts hiding behind a door somewhere in his mind.

It was a nice yet small, fairly simple cream-colored room. Due to some events going on in the city that day, it hadn't been easy to book rooms at the same hotel. The Iowan still managed to book one that included a small kitchenette to reheat his pre-packed meals, the typical minibar, a sofa and a coffee table where they sat. There was little more than that besides a couple of paintings hanging on the walls, a bathroom, medium sized flat tv and a double bed.

There was no luxury to it but it felt cozy and warmed quickly once the air conditioner started buzzing.

“Yo, _Uce_ -“ Dean tried to speak with his mouth stuffed with the second burger, observing the Samoan picked up his scattered paper wraps and leftovers. “No need to clean-up, just leave them around to drive the asshole nuts.“ he didn’t move fast enough to dodge the crumpled burger wrap thrown at him.

“The _asshole_ is here and can hear you and would appreciate if you shut the fuck up and don’t make a mess of his room.“ another wrap, this time dirty with mustard, hit Dean straight in the mouth. Seth laughed at Dean’s yelp.

Roman groaned. “Oh please, don’t start guys. I have three children at home already.“ he shook his head in mock exasperation. “Now what? Ya gonna lick it off his face Seth?“ an amused brow arched up.

The brunette wrinkled his nose in disgust. “Pretty sure he’d like that, so no.“ he teased.

Dean kept chewing for a moment and swallowed his mouthful of burger, not bothering to provide an immediate reply. He hummed pensively for a moment, pretending to consider what to say. He looked up at them and proceeded to slowly and soundly lick the mustard off the corners of his lips, making all kind of exaggerated moaning sounds as he did so. “Sorry Seth, I’m too delicious to share. I swear I'd eat myself if I could.“ he laughed good-heartedly. “Don’t know if I’d be able to stop though, so I better not just in case I stop existing. What would’cha do without me?“ both Roman and Seth groaned in disgust but it only took a look between them for laughter to break through the room.

Dean flashed them a satisfied grin and licked the remains of ketchup out of his fingers, finally wiping his sticky hands on a napkin that he immediately crumbled and threw aiming at Seth’s face. He missed, the younger man knew him well enough to see it coming. “Guys,“ he wiggled his eyebrows. “Why don’t we just wrap this up and get to the real celebration? My belly’s asking for a couple shots of Jack already.“

He hadn’t finished the sentence when Roman was already on his feet, picking up the leftovers and wrappings and stuffing them into the brown paper bags. “Now _that_ sounds good to me. Don’t wanna upset your belly _Uce_.“

Seth whined comically, throwing pleading arms into the air and looking towards the ceiling, like that would avoid it from happening. “Please don’t. Not when the closest toilet is for _me_ to use after.“

Dean feigned seriousness, placing a hand on his _right_ pectoral. “I swear, hand on my heart and all, that I’ll do my best not to defile your bathroom or your room.“ he was met by a roll of brown eyes and a distant quiet chuckle from Roman, who was washing his hands and the three plastic cups they bought for their drinks in the bathroom.

Something that Dean couldn’t identify flashed on Seth’s face while the sound of the running water mixed with the soft hum of the air conditioner. And this time Dean was curious. He gazed at his friend questioningly, his head tilted slightly to the side as if he meant a silent ‘ _What the fuck’s wrong with you today?_ ‘. The only reaction he got was Seth mirroring his pose and look. Dean shrugged and stood up, stretching his sore legs. “Whatever.“ he muttered with a sour look at Seth before he strolled to the small sink on the kitchenette to sticky hands and face.

Roman went straight to the minibar when he exited the bathroom while Dean went back to his previous spot on the floor. Seth took his sneakers off and stepped toward the sink to clean himself up as well.

When Roman returned to the couch, he carried the three cups in one hand and a bottle of Jack Daniels on the other.

He poured a finger of the amber beverage on each and they made the first real toast of the night, followed by several more whenever any of them came up with something to toast about. There was tension, excitement, but also a floating feeling of familiarity that just screamed home.

The three men were enjoying themselves recalling stories from their first few years on the road, talking about matches, situations. Dean would tell them some random story from his time traveling in the indies, or Roman would remember anecdotes from his football playing days. Every now and then, one of them would check their phone. Easy laughs and banter filled the air in the room, getting a bit louder with each new glass, peppered with the occasional emotional moment that was always quickly dissipated by a joke or a friendly touch.

Dean frowned when he heard Seth curse under his breath while Roman was narrating a story about a college party. Both wrestlers glanced to the brunette in surprise, he was tugging at his own hair like he meant to tear it off his scalp.

“The fuck Seth?” Dean queried casually, stirring his legs under the coffee table to shove at Seth’s ankle with his foot. “You got another thousand ugly nude pic messages on Twitter again?” he teased, curious when the reaction from his friend was just staring at him in annoyance. “Nah, not that. Ya checkin’ the news and they say you look like a fifteen-year-old on the tactical clothes, idiot?“ the blonde tried to upset him with a mocking smirk.

Dean couldn’t see the phone’s screen from his position on the floor, but Roman could. The Samoan hovered over Seth’s shoulder, his eyes drifting from the brunette’s face to Dean’s, then back again to the phone. He barked with laughter. “Oh, _Uce_ -“ he lied back into the couch, struggling to get the words out between chuckles and not noticing the pleading look Seth shot him. Dean did though. “He’s just upset that instead of hyping the Shield’s reunion and praising him, the internet is being spammed with this _looooovely_ picture of the two of you beaming like lovestruck idiots and hugging each other.“ Roman doubled over with laughter, wiping his eyes. “But you already showed that to me at the locker room, why are you upset again?“

Dean stiffened, unable to do anything but blink at the Samoan, trying to process his words. “Yuup Deano, nobody’s talking about me being cheered, or about Miz and the guys. Just the Ambrollins love.“ Roman illustrated the moment, throwing his arm around Seth’s neck and planting wet kisses on his cheek. The high-flyer pushed him away roughly, shaking with rage.

While he didn’t find the situation comical at all, he couldn’t help but snicker at Roman’s heartbroken look. And _that_ was what made Seth snap.

Seth glared at him and lunged forward over the coffee table, shoving his phone on Dean’s face. “Jimmy sent me this link, fucker thinks it's hilarious and advised to get the Ambrollins merch ready. Man, it’s been TWO hours, TWO. FUCKING. HOURS since Raw ended. It’s all over my twitter feed, I have 713 tag notifications on Instagram. Fuck! They’re even spamming Renee’s twitter with it. Not the three of us bumping fists no, only _this_.” Dean snatched the phone from Seth’s hand and realized his friend wasn’t exaggerating. He scrolled down the dozens of versions of the picture, enhanced colors, black and white, close-ups of their faces and gifs from the moment he hugged him in the ring earlier in the night. Was it really such a big deal?

And then he realized that it was not just photos, it was all spiced up with the countless comments, messages and collective delight of how hot and sweet they were together and the way their love shone onscreen. “Holy fucking shit.“

Dean felt so spent, so… out of it that all he could do was laugh, because the other option his brain came up with was jumping off the window. "Hey, maybe they will stop writing torture stories about us now. Will they be happy if they think they’re gettin’ what they want? Should we take that as an improvement dude?" his words came out almost as bitter as he felt them.

Seth sat back on the couch, eyes narrowed and face twitching. “Wanna see more? I can show you all the dick pics guys DM’d me during Raw saying ‘ _I would enjoy them way better than your filthy cock_ ’ or ‘ _He’s too good for you, keep your filthy self away from our Dean_ ‘.” he shouted. “Or you prefer to see all the nudes girls sent me in the last couple hours to ‘ _try to fucking turn me straight and into a fucking man’_ again, asking me for threesomes or asking for pictures of you pounding my fucking ass?”

“Oh, and there’s more. Then there are all these idiots commenting with links to your Mox videos, trying to warn me not to get into your world of abuse and drugs, so nice of them to try and save my ass.“ The Architect rose to his feet and started pacing the room anxiously. “Wanna see them Deano? You think it’s funny? Do we ask Renee if she’s receiving the same shit? I know she is, checked her Twitter feed. Do ya think she finds them funny? ‘Cause I fucking don’t- fuck!” He took his phone from Dean and pushed it into his pocket, interrupting his rant for a moment. "I'm sick of this, it's not a fucking game anymore. Just look at yourself and if you've got the fucking balls ya tell me it’s not affecting you."

Dean took a deep breath but didn’t actually feel the air fill his lungs. Flashes of Renee’s earlier breakdown assaulting him in rapid succession at the same time that all the harassment received during the last few years overwhelmed his drunken mind.

He gasped for air and buried his face in his hands. Dean suddenly forgot where he was, who he was with, the sound of Seth pacing around the room.

Ambrose wasn’t sure if he needed to vomit, to pass out, to tear what was left of his hair or just crawl into a corner. All he knew is that he couldn’t breathe, couldn’t see, and could only register his heart pounding his ears irregularly and feel his nails raking at his face.

Firm hands wrapped around his wrists and stopped him before he could tear his skin off. “Dean-“ Seth spoke in a soft but firm voice, gingerly lowering Dean’s hands to the floor as he kneeled down next to him, moving very slowly. The Lunatic Fringe couldn’t really make out his features, his sight couldn’t focus.

Seth placed a hand on the middle of Dean’s thigh and squeezed gently through the scratchy fabric of his jeans. “Dean look at me.” he pleaded then turned around to gaze at Roman when he got no reply.

Dean had forgotten the Samoan was there, maybe he just knew better than interfering unless things came to blows. He felt the squeeze on his leg tighten until it became painful. “Hey, Dean… breathe for me, please? I'm sorry, I shouldn’t-“ little pats on Dean’s cheek and a strangled shriek left his throat, feeling the air coming in again. “Well done buddy, just like that… breathe with me, please? Fuck… just like that, keep breathing.“ Were those tears that Seth was brushing off his face? Was he fucking crying?

Of course he was, he was coming down from a panic attack.

The gentle hand dropped from his face and curled on top of Dean’s. The room spun around and very slowly, the blonde started to come back to his senses, the fog dissipating from his eyes and Seth’s concerned face appearing before him. “Fuck.“ he gasped, holding onto his friend’s hand for dear life.

“Motherfucker…“ Seth's voice was barely a strained whisper. “Don’t scare me like that again dude. Da fuck?“

“What the fuck.“ the brunette’s outburst was replaying itself over and over in his mind. “What was that Seth.“ it wasn’t even a question, more of an accusation.

The room was silent for several minutes, only broken by Dean’s ragged breathing.

Seth finally sighed when he was sure that his friend was out of the panic attack, just shaky, and removed his hand from Dean’s thigh to bring it to play with his bun. He sat back on the floor and seemed to be choosing what to say next very carefully as he slowly let go of Dean’s hand.

“It’s nobody’s fucking business, Dean. Whatever happened or didn’t happen is only _our_ fucking story to tell. Shouldn't be a catalyst for crazy fucks to threaten our people or obsess about- I… sometimes I feel like I can't even fucking look at Renee's face for fuck's sake, shouldn't feel like that!" he slapped his face furiously and this time it was Dean reaching out to grab his wrist, holding Seth’s hand away from his face.

“I’ve done my share of shit as well and I’m sick of it being thrown into my face. Don’t you think I would erase my Cyberfights videos off the face of Earth if I could? Think I like stumbling into pictures of my wet ass and dick on these trunks, to feel so ridiculous? Accused of doing porn? Think I like that? Think I’m happy that there’s pics of my cock everywhere? I was a fucking asshole but ya think it feels good that I have the whole fucking world making fun of it until the day I die to pay for it?“

The brunette exploded and removed himself from Dean’s grasp, desperation obvious on his every pore and steamed from his broken voice. “I’ve worked so hard to get where I am, went through so much to be taken seriously, to be respected in the business… Can’t you see why it bothers me that people don’t give a fuck about the craft I’ve spent half my life honing?“ but Dean couldn’t manage to say a word, the world was just too heavy on his shoulders and it was the first time he realized he wasn’t the only one experiencing it.

"It's just… Our story.” it came out as a defeated whisper as chocolate brown eyes looked away from Dean's and shut closed as Seth tried to tame his breakdown. Dean's heart threatened to jump out of his throat as his teammate composed himself, feeling a rush of panic when Seth looked back up at him again. “If _we_ don’t talk about it, why can everybody else do it?” he mumbled on a defeated tone as his shoulders sagged. “We’ve both done so much shit through our lives, but don’t we deserve a bit of privacy? I can’t stand faking being okay with it anymore, I just can’t“

The atmosphere in the room was excruciatingly uncomfortable, so thick it could be cut through with a knife.

Dean sighed and reached with his hand to pat his thigh reassuringly, unsure if he was trying to comfort his friend, himself or both. “Hey, I know bro'. Fucking drives me nuts as well.” He said in the calmest voice he could manage as the tables turned and it was him needing to keep himself together. “You know you’re right, it’s _our_ story. And as long as _we_ know the truth, we need to stop giving a fuck about anything else and try to ride this shit 'till it stops.”

It took him a few moments but bright blue eyes widened in realization as Seth's words keep pounding his brain way louder than the whisper they came out from had any right to be. He felt like no sound left his lips as he spoke next, sure his lungs had no air left in them and that he was going to pass out any moment. “Wait. You- telling me you wanna talk about it?”

Seth swallowed and just stared back at Dean wide-eyed. It took him a few seconds to react, the wheels of his mind obviously starting to work again but he had no choice to reply since somebody beat him to it.

“You two are so full of fucking shit.“ words were spat in disgust.

Both turned around in shock upon hearing Roman’s words. The Samoan hadn’t interfered in their breakdowns but apparently, he couldn’t take any more of his friend’s drama. “So fucking full of it.“ he snarled.

“What?“ Dean couldn’t believe his ears, he reached towards the table to take a sip of whiskey just to keep his hands occupied. He almost spilled it over himself from the way he was trembling.

Roman poured himself another whiskey, the scowl not leaving his features. ”Don’t you think things would be different if you hadn’t been feeding that crap for six fucking years? But it was funny and gave you fame, money, and pussies. From all the shit to be upset about, it’s _that_ what worries the two of you? And you have the fucking nerve to say it in _my_ face? You think I’m retarded or what? Nobody that should matter to you gives a fuck and you dare pretend in front of me? You guys make me sick sometimes.”

“What the fuck _Uce_?“ mumbled Dean. He’d never heard Roman snap at them like that. The Samoan usually laughed these topics off and didn’t pay them any attention. He was always the one to ease any tension whenever they were worried about the private stuff that made it to the media. “What are you talking about?“

_'If **we** don’t talk about it, why can everybody else do it?'_

Roman’s face was the graphic definition of disbelief and his words twirled in his mind together with Seth’s broken question. “Really? Do I need to remind you that I was also there in FCW? That I used the showers too and you guys didn't give a shit? Hell, me and the whole fucking roster. Did they ever say anything? No, right? They shut the fuck up just like I did because it wasn’t our business. The two of you, so fucking cocky and arrogant, looking at us over your shoulders, feeling superior for being experienced indie darlings and you can’t cope with something so simple?“ he groaned.

“Fuck, do I need to tell you guys how I was dying to earn enough money so I could stop sharing a room with you two?” Dean had to look away from his friend, shocked at what he was being forced to face. There was no fight option on that fight or flight situation, he only wanted to run out of the room and never come back.

And Roman wasn’t done, of course he wasn't. “Ya wanna know how many nights I was close to fucking pissing the bed because you’d wake me up and I just kept pretending to sleep to avoid making things uncomfortable between us and not fuck up our chance on the main roster? I lost count of how many nights I just pretended to sleep while I had to fucking hear you doing whatever it was you did. The nights I woke up and you guys were snoring and Dean was certainly not sleeping on the floor? The smell in the rental cars in the morning when you guys made your quick runs to get beer, cigarettes or whatever shit you made up to get away the night before? The noises coming from the bathroom at 4 AM? And don't even get me started on when you got drunk because I may lose my mind and beat the shit out of you. Really? Fuck you guys. Fuck you, man the fuck up and don't treat the people who know you like we're retarded.“

 

_**Should I run away and change my name?** _

_**Or should I stay and fight** _

_**Through the night** _

_**And never close my eyes?** _

_**I'll never close my eyes** _

 

Dean didn’t dare speak, nor did he feel capable of it. He didn’t dare look at Seth either. His eyes were set on Roman and all his focus directed on trying to breathe.

“I’m sorry but it was due time that someone called you on your bullshit. Ya had to face it. Don’t you see there’s nothing wrong with it, that it doesn’t matter? Hell, I’ve spent half my life in locker rooms and it happens all the fucking time.“ the powerhouse’s tone softened and his scowl transitioned into a firm yet fond look.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry to leave you hanging with a cliffhanger mid-scene! But it had to be done.  
> Good news is that I cut half of the last chapter (yes, cutting this at 5 chapters) from here and it also means that the night and Part 1 of this series will end in that hotel room and whatever is left to happen. Gotta confess it makes me a bit sad but my mind is already busy feeding the mammoth with an outline and scenes for part 2. BTW, the name of Part 2 has been dropped in this chapter somewhere, but I won't confirm it until next chapter ;) 
> 
> But back to this chapter, these guys REALLY don't deserve Roman, do they? The whole hotel room scene was something I was dying to tackle, and you only got a part of it so far!  
> I wanted to provide some insight on both Roman and Seth to help us get a bigger picture besides Dean's constant contradictions and irrational thoughts. Also wanted to go deeper in how Dean feels by going through the SCSA interview because it unleashed a lot of Dean bashing back then and on the internet circles it gets mentioned often up to this day.  
> Everybody ended up snapping, what do you think about Seth and Roman's outbursts? Do you think Dean deserved that? Does their reality match Dean's? How will the night continue?
> 
> As usual, I love getting your feedback and thank you for sticking to this story. Let me know how you feel, what you liked, what you didn't, your predictions, doubts, questions... I love the back and forth with you guys! Can't even begin to tell you how much I'm enjoying writing this and letting it grow and mature before my eyes.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman isn't done calling Dean and Seth on their bullshit, and some things from the past start making sense.  
> Thinking of the past, makes Dean equally hurt and want though. None of that changes the fact that Seth wants to talk about them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I warned on the previous chapter, it's taken a bit longer than the previous updates but here it is! With chapter 5 we close 'Overwhelmed' and jump straight into Part 2 of "As Long As We Know The Truth". You may have an idea of what's coming this chapter if you've seen the previews and thoughts in my Tumblr writing corner (you can find me as Besaster there). Soon I'll be sharing little bits of Part 2 :)
> 
> Enjoy the end of the first part of this story and thanks for reading!
> 
> IMPORTANT:  
> Italics are for flashbacks. And yes, as always, flashbacks are excerpts from scenes that will appear in Part 2.  
> Centered text in BOLD Italics is for lyrics.  
> WARNINGS: At this point, there is nothing in this chapter I haven't warned you about before, so if you made it this far without issues then you're safe ;)

“Fuck, do I need to tell you guys how I was dying to earn enough money so I could stop sharing a room with you two?” Dean had to look away from his friend, shocked at what he was being forced to face. There was no fight option in that fight or flight situation, he only wanted to run out of the room and never come back.

And Roman wasn’t done, of course he wasn't. “Ya wanna know how many nights I was close to fucking pissing the bed because you’d wake me up and I just kept pretending to sleep to avoid making things uncomfortable between us and not fuck up our chance on the main roster? I lost count of how many nights I just pretended to sleep while I had to fucking hear you doing whatever it was you did. The nights I woke up and you guys were snoring and Dean was certainly not sleeping on the floor? The smell of the rental cars in the morning when you guys made your quick runs to get beer, cigarettes or whatever shit you made up to get away the night before? The noises coming from the bathroom at 4 AM? And don't even get me started on when you got drunk because I may lose my mind and beat the shit out of you. Really? Fuck you guys. Fuck you, man the fuck up and don't treat the people who know you like we're retarded.“

 

_**Should I run away and change my name?** _

_**Or should I stay and fight** _

_**Through the night** _

_**And never close my eyes?** _

_**I'll never close my eyes** _

 

Dean didn’t dare speak, nor did he feel capable of it. He didn’t dare look at Seth either. His eyes were set on Roman and all his focus directed on trying to breathe.

“I’m sorry but it was due time that someone called you on your bullshit. Ya had to face it. Don’t you see there’s nothing wrong with it, that it doesn’t matter? Hell, I’ve spent half my life in locker rooms and it happens all the fucking time.“ the powerhouse’s tone softened and his scowl transitioned into a firm yet fond look.

 

_An exasperated groan roused Dean from his deep slumber. Too tired to even try to open his eyes, it took him several seconds to register both the sound and the fact that he wasn’t sleeping on the floor._

_He buried his face deeper into the smooth skin of the shoulder where it was resting and mouthed something, a little shush against the warm skin. There was some immediate relief at the shift of position but he knew his neck would be sore for a few days anyway._

_Dean felt warm and cozy under the blankets, covered up to his ear, and could feel himself losing the battle against sleep as it claimed him again. He knew he needed to crawl out of bed and go back to his spot on the floor before the man sleeping in the other bed woke up. While Roman usually slept like a rock, Dean couldn’t risk him waking up and get caught in this position._

_He knew it was vital for the three of them to be comfortable as a unit and didn’t want to make things weird. Maybe he was just paranoid, but Dean had a feeling that there was something off about Roman, that he was uncomfortable around his teammates. He quickly shook the thought away whenever it appeared or his friend quickly went back to normal._

_But he didn’t want to open his eyes. Instead, he basked in the warmth of the blankets and skin-on-skin contact, shortening the distance with the body lying beside him. His elbow rested on the mattress and his hand must have held Seth’s hip at some point, but had slid down and just his fingers and a side of his palm remained connected. The touch mixed the heat of the flesh and the crumpling of worn fabric, the waistband of a pair of boxers. No, the noise didn’t come from him. From his position he could feel the soft snores brushing his forehead, the even breathing. Seth was lying on his back, the slow rise of his chest and stomach making his side brush against Dean’s hand on every breath and the relaxed hand resting between his elbow and the mattress. He felt comfortable besides the painful angle of his neck and the soreness in his back._

_He didn’t want to go back to the floor. The mattress embraced his aching muscles and Seth was warm and close. He felt good and if it was somewhere else, someone else, in another situation, he’d have to be burned alive before anyone could make him leave the bed and the body next to him._

_You’re_ not _a liar if nobody can call you out on it._

_As a pleasant sleep took him into its embrace again, a thought slapped him fully awake. If it wasn’t Seth, had it been Roman?_

_His eyes shot open to find only darkness. Dean could barely make the outlines of Seth’s shoulder and the pillows. He hadn’t overslept. Even knowing that Roman usually didn’t even move when he was asleep, there was always the chance that he ended up waking up one day and caught him sleeping on Seth’s bed. Which is why he barely did it, and still relied on his bladder’s biological clock or Seth’s to go back to his floor spot when insomnia gave him a break or after whatever it was they had going on happened and he just plain_ refused _to go back there._

_Neither had been the case that night, Dean had actually fallen asleep as soon as he hit the floor, exhausted and aching after a tough night. He had an extremely physical match and botched a landing, the impact hurting his neck and upper back. When he was checked, the trainers just advised to take it easy for a few days, so he just swallowed a painkiller and called it good news._

_The pain wouldn’t let him sleep though, and he’d been twitching and rolling around trying to ease it. At some point, he felt a foot nudging his back, the poke of a toe making him flinch in pain. He rolled around annoyed and made out Seth’s shadow in the dark and a small glint in half-lidded eyes. “C’mere“ he whispered and Dean heard a soft pat against the blankets. “Ya whinin’ like a bitch, buddy. Your neck must be killing ya.“ a soft yawn. Dean yawned as a chain reaction as well, rubbing his bare stomach as he stretched his back, wincing in pain before he silently sat up and climbed into the bed. He lied on his side, facing Roman and feeling the warmth of Seth’s back close, but not touching. It took him seconds to fall asleep, until he heard that groan._

_Was Roman awake? He gulped, panic rushing his heartbeat and forcing him to react. Dean needed to go back to the floor and make sure he was still sleeping, but he didn’t know which one to start with. He slowly removed his hand from Seth’s hip and slid his arm from under his friend’s hand, freezing in place for a moment when he heard a change in his breathing, a little gasp. “Ya going soft on me dude.“ he breathed with a little chuckle, panic forgotten momentarily as he watched Seth roll onto his side in the dark, his body scooting closer to the warmth but otherwise making no sign of knowing what was going on or that his sleep was disturbed._

_He slowly slid out of the blankets, shivering at how cold the room was, and sat on the edge of the bed to gaze at Roman, his eyes now more used to the darkness. The Samoan was still sleeping on his back, his jaw clenched and his mouth and eyes tight, twitching. He must be having a bad dream or feeling the burn of the road life, it happened to everybody from time to time so he didn’t give it any further thought._

_Dean was so tired that even with the pain returning to his sore muscles at full force, he fell asleep as soon as the blankets started to warm over his body. The last thing the registered as he drifted off on the unforgiving surface were muffled stomps on the floor and curses before the bathroom door shut closed._

 

“Young, horny, homesick guys living their dream. Spending countless hours together, wrestling in tiny trunks and groping each other all day long. The high of performing, adrenaline, and all the drugs and alcohol you did back then, full of pent-up frustration at not making it as fast as you felt you deserved…" he gave them a knowing look. "You two were apart from everybody else because you considered yourselves to be the best so it was just the two of you at the end of the day. Mix that with ring boners and shit happens.” Dean would have rolled his eyes at Roman’s suggestive eyebrow wiggle if he wasn’t totally paralyzed and in shock by what was happening.

“And then your energy, your fucking ring chemistry… Y’know I get it, seen it so many times when I played football, how was wrestling gonna be any different?“ he smiled and refilled the three cups to the top. “I don’t judge and I never will, whatever it was you had going on is not my business or anybody’s, but cut the fucking crap with me. Was it _really_ that big of a deal? I don’t even care but cut that shit around me or I’ll beat the hell out of ya." Whiskey spilled all over the table as he nudged the glasses closer to his friends. “Here, let’s drink it down kiddos.“

Dean swallowed the lump in his throat but he didn’t have anything he _could_ say after his friend’s speech. He didn’t even know how to react, was terrified to turn to his side and look at Seth. There was no need for it because he heard the thump on the floor and the manic cackle that shook his body all over. He glanced over and saw Seth lying on his back, clutching his belly and the tears making their way down his face as he wouldn’t stop shaking with laughter. Teary brown eyes turned to him as Seth made an effort to sit up.

“We don’t fucking deserve Roman, we fucking don’t Dean.“ was all Seth managed to say as he struggled to get back to his feet and stumbled to go around the table. Then he threw himself at Roman and hugged him until the powerhouse winced in pain, both laughing. “Oh my god dude, don’t ever change.“

“Ouch, that hurts!” Roman winced under the death grip he was under. “Really guys, tonight is our night. So now that we got the fights and the drama phase done with, can we fucking go into the friendship elation one and just drink and enjoy our night?“ by the looks of it, apparently the powerhouse had to use all his strength to get Seth off him. When he finally managed to do it, Roman held his fist up until the three friends did their trademark pose. “Now, that’s a lot better kids. Toast for the Shield?“

Dean let out the breath he’d been holding all along, still unable to open his mouth, so he just toasted and drank his cup in one go.

He must have been lost in his thoughts for a while as he jumped when another napkin hit his face, this time it was Roman who threw it, scoffing just before he threw a grin to his teammates. “Earth to Deano! Really, cut it out already buddy, tonight is our night.”

Damn right they didn’t deserve Roman. Damn fucking right. Still, knowing that didn’t make him feel any better. There was no way in hell he could digest what had just happened inside that hotel room and it just made his mind spin again since he suspected there’d be more.

_'If we don’t talk about it, why can everybody else do it?'_

At the same time, what would he do without Roman? Dean lied back, propped on his forearms, closing his eyes and breathing deeply in relief. He couldn’t handle facing all this shit with Seth _in the middle of a hotel room and especially not with Roman there_ right now so. Not anywhere or ever with the way his life was spinning out of control if he was honest.

Because you _are_ a liar if someone can call you out on it.

*

As the bottle kept getting lighter, they all were already getting a bit drunk, red-cheeked and loose, the air cleared from the previous tension and replaced by laughter and loud voices as the three friends enjoyed their drinks and company. There was a collective groan when Roman’s phone started buzzing with a call from his wife.

He answered the call, beaming and bright-eyed as he greeted his wife and listened intently to whatever she was saying, which Dean was sure were words of love, praise, and pride. Warmth spread all over him as he watched the Samoan plant his feet on the floor, sliding them into his shoes as he stood up. "-sure baby, thought I'd bury the guys' careers out there!" His hearty laugh filled the room as he listened to his wife. "-will say hello to the guys for you. Just gonna go back to my room now so we can have some privacy, one sec' ok, babe?"

Roman looked delighted as he downed what was left in his glass. “Guys, really had a fucking blast tonight. “ there was hesitation in his eyes but he waved it off. “Even after y’know. Don't drink to death or kill each other or whatever, heh? Last one?” He raised his empty glass and his friends crawled closer to him so they could toast again. Roman never refilled his drink and he left the room after ruffling his teammates' hair and leaving his empty glass on the table. Both Dean and Seth grinned a bit too wide and gave him a thumbs up as he resumed his phone conversation, picked up his bags and left the room swaying a bit.

A comfortable silence set in the room for a while as the remaining members of the Shield sip on their drinks contently. They were quite tipsy but not drunk enough or out of their minds, just having fun.

Under the ease provided by alcohol, soon Dean was chatting quietly with Seth, talking about how Roman had grown as a performer since they met him, feeling more untroubled than he had in weeks but still avoiding anything that had happened that night in the room. It felt so easy to bury the thought. He really wished only the latest moments the three had just shared would last since they arrived at the quarters, but he knew it stayed on the back of his mind and it was getting harder to ignore it.

“You envy him don’t you?” Seth’s voice was so soft Dean wasn’t sure he heard correctly as it interrupted his thoughts. When did he sit back on the floor next to him?

“Hm?” he tensed when it hit him that his friend had noticed his sudden change of mood, it must have been obvious that his mind had wandered back to their earlier breakdown and Roman’s merciless words. There were no more laughter and playful banter anymore between them. It was heavy, suffocating, and he needed to run away but his body wouldn’t obey him. None of them would move, paralyzed by a sudden weight on their shoulders.

Dean fought the urge to look away from the brunette. “Cut the crap Dean, can almost taste the shit you're thinkin'.”

“Nah, I just… Renee… doesn’t deserve the fucking shit she gets, it has nothing to do with her. This is all about what may or may not have happened even before I met her, the shit I did back in the indies, WWE warning me to avoid scandals if I wanted to keep my job and stay at the top… I don't know what the fuck to do to stop it all.” He placed his half-empty glass next to Roman’s and rose to his feet, suddenly unable to stand sitting on the floor anymore.

Dean stretched his legs and walked stiffly towards the edge of the bed, keeping his gaze away from Seth and feeling like he couldn’t breathe anymore as he sat on the mattress and brought his knees to his chest. The urge to fight or flight felt suddenly stronger than him, and flight was winning but he knew he wouldn’t make it out of the room without passing out if he tried. He wasn’t drunk enough that he didn’t see that anxiety was crashing over him again but was drunk enough to be unable to stop it completely.

The room blurred around him for an instant and he swallowed trying to put himself together again as he threw his legs out of the bed. Wide eyes drilled a hole in Dean’s back, knowing his friend didn’t plan on letting things go that easily. Seth _wanted_ to talk, but he couldn’t even look at him as he made an effort to put some words together.

“You were right earlier Seth, it’s _our_ story.” he mumbled, his voice so small it startled him as he tried to end the issue as quickly as possible. He had to end the conversation they weren’t having and get away from there. Quickly. “But we can't stop people from talking, we can't put an end to this shit. We can only cope with- fuck!”

A strong hand yanking at his shirt made him lose his balance and fall flat on his back against the mattress as he tried to stand up to put on his shoes and leave. Dean hadn’t noticed that he wasn’t alone there anymore. At this point, he just wanted to go back to his room and crash into bed. He would hopefully be asleep by the time Renee came back. So much for hope. He didn’t even bother moving.

Seth crawled off the bed and stepped towards the table to pick up the glasses and whiskey bottle to return and sit down again next to him on the edge. This allowed Dean some time to calm down and find his ground.

When Seth used the half-empty whiskey bottle to refill their glasses and offered one to Dean, he didn’t turn it down but didn’t move either. He just kept staring at the drink dancing inside the glass once his friend shrugged and moved around in the bed to place it on the nightstand.

Seth downed his own in one go, gulping loudly and visibly fighting the urge to retch as he wiped at his mouth with a hand and filled his glass again. “Yeah, our story.” The brunette mumbled absentmindedly, not letting go of the conversation before he brought the whiskey to his lips again for a small sip.

From the position he landed on the mattress, on his back with his arms spread, Dean didn't need to open his eyes to know what was happening. Maybe if he didn't move and kept his eyes closed he would relax and fall asleep, or Seth would fall asleep as well and pretend none of them did. But he felt the slight dip of the surface and knew Seth was leaning slightly over him, could feel his gaze, hear his nervous breathing and what _was_ about to come.

Cloudy blue eyes fluttered open slowly, trying to focus on the room again. “Dean-” Seth's free hand hovered over Dean’s chest for a moment, like he wasn't sure if he wanted to drown him in the mattress or lift him up. Apparently, he couldn't make up his mind, sighing and taking it away before he could touch him. "You think they'd ever leave us alone if they knew the truth?" Seth's voice was insecure, barely a thought whispered out loud. He rose to his knees again to leave the now empty glass on the nightstand and sat down, letting himself fall on his back close to Dean's right side, his neck resting on the pale bicep being the only contact between them.

"Think anyone would believe the truth? You see I'm fucking married, I’ve behaved, and they still don't give a fuck." Dean exhaled shakily and lifted his right hand slowly, the tips of his fingers barely grazing the strands of frizzy hair sticking out of Seth's bun. "That we talk about it won't change anything Seth." A small shift of his arm and his fingers finally reached the back of Seth's head, a gentle plea for him to roll onto his side so they would be able to look at each other.

The move brought a memory of a moment they shared in the ring a long time ago, back to their main event feud. He'd been on his back and guided Seth to pin him for the victory once the referee informed he must stay down for the count. It felt like ages ago and he didn't even remember which match it was anymore, but the muscle memory of the situation remained.

Seth looked lost, tired and way younger than he actually was as he complied and rolled onto his side, still far enough to leave some space between them, chapped lips parted but no sound coming out of them. His eyes closed as he sank his face into Dean's arm, mouthing something against his skin that the blonde couldn't decipher. He just looked like he was trying to melt inside the skin under him and disappear. Or was Dean the one melting?

He knew better though, knowing Seth was just putting his thoughts in order, having a moment with himself before saying or doing something he was unsure about. What Dean wasn’t expecting was a little chuckle. “I remember that. I’m not that drunk.“ Both had remembered about the same match.

It didn't take long for him to shift again until his cheek rested more comfortably on Dean's bicep, dark lashes fluttering open and a determined look settled on his face. “But it's our fucking story. _We_ don't talk about it and I can't stand the tension around you anymore." Dean was still hoping the next words never left Seth's lips but he knew he wouldn't get his wish as soon as a tentative hand squeezed his right shoulder. "I'm as ready as you are. But Dean… is it really that big of a deal that even _we_ can't talk about it? Just don't make a big deal out of it." A firmer squeeze, but it felt desperate rather than firm. "Our story is not just about you, can’t you see _I’m_ here? I actually _want_ us to talk about it, just get it over with. Just- just _us_.” Defeat took over despair. But Dean didn't want to talk about it.

He _was_ a liar because someone was finally calling him on it.

 

 _Something had changed since that celebration that never happened and the morning after. If Dean was honest, he would say it wasn’t the first time_ nothing _happened, but since he wasn’t, it was safe to say it never did._

_He didn’t know what had changed and didn’t really care, but Seth had set a distance between them and it was somewhat upsetting not understanding what was going on. For the last couple of weeks he hadn’t asked Dean to come over to his place to have a few beers and smoke joints, they didn’t party and had barely spoken after that night and the morning after. They hadn’t had a match since their 30 minute Iron Man match and their only interactions had strictly been during classes at the performance center._

_While he didn’t really care, it bothered him at the same time. He would never admit it though. He was so used to being around his friend that it didn’t feel right to smoke on his own at home, not having Seth take the joints from him every now and then, their bickering. Thinking about it, he realized there was no reason for such distance as nothing had happened and would never happen again. And maybe, just maybe, he thought for a moment that he kind of missed Seth. But it was easier to think that he was just bored because there was nothing he could do with how short on money he was and at the rate he smoked and drank, nor could he take anybody to his poor excuse of a room. Certainly no woman would be impressed with it, basically a dirty, humid hole with a destroyed mattress on the floor and old buzzing machines. To think of bringing any friends there was too much for his pride as well, and by friends, he meant Seth as he was the only one he’d made so far while in Florida._

_So he lied down on his bed and unlocked his phone, scrolling through his contact list until he found the name he was looking for. Dean hesitated for a few minutes, mindless fingers raking down the hairs on his navel until they met with smooth skin and he came back to the room and what he was up to._

_Two rings later Seth answered but sounded distracted, nervous and it wasn’t the sort of tension when he was playing a video game. Dean could hear the music yet his friend still sounded uncomfortable._

_Dean suggested they ordered a pizza and smoked some pot over a bunch of beer since they hadn’t hung out in a while. Seth obviously hesitated before he finally accepted the self-invitation._

 

_Dean watched Seth press the third joint in a row with the lighter’s flint tube and dust some fallen weed off his old band tee shirt and gym shorts before he lit it. He looked a bit twitchy, clumsy. Seth had barely made any eye contact in the hour they had spent together at the apartment and appeared even shy, getting even more inside himself the more he smoked._

_A snort and a playful pat on Seth’s thigh later, he was short on ideas on how to make him loosen up. “What’s going on dude? Ya weird as fuck today.“ he held his hands up in the air in mock offense. “I swear if you farted I didn’t smell it so cut the crap, didn’t invite myself over for you to not even look at me.“ He was surprised to see a blush creep up Seth’s face and couldn’t help but snicker. “Duuude I was just joking for fuck’s sake!“_

_“Then why the fuck did you ask me to come over?“ it was dry. Not accusatory yet it felt exactly like it._

_Dean stayed silent for a while Seth smoked silently, still not even glancing at him. He sighed and kneeled in front of him in the bed, reaching out to curl his fingers on Seth’s jaw, using them to tilt his head up and make eye contact for the first time since he arrived. “Hey, Seth.“ curiosity and amusement were getting the best of him as he tried to bury the knot settling on his stomach. “Now, really. Y’okay buddy?“_

_A shy Seth was the last thing he expected. The brunette stared at him for a moment then he wiggled to remove himself from Dean’s grip. “Are you serious?“ he muttered in disbelief with a faint flush on his cheeks. Smoke got caught on his throat and he broke on a fit of coughs._

_“Not sure if that’s joint or a bazooka, you sure loaded it and are trying to finish it in one go.“ Dean teased with a smirk as he took the chance to snatch the stick away from his friend’s hand and take a long drag. “Sorry but I don’t follow you man. What’s wrong with you? Feels like you’re avoiding me and I just don’t get it. Aren’t we friends or what?“_

_Confusion and annoyance balanced each other inside wide brown eyes as Seth chewed on his lips anxiously. “Seriously Dean? After that night… don’t ya- I mean, fuck, isn’t it just_ weird _for you?“_

_Dean gulped, knowing exactly what he was talking about. There wasn’t any disgust on Seth’s face, it was something different that he couldn’t put his finger on, embarrassment perhaps. He shrugged, trying to dismiss the topic and thinking fast to do so._

_“That night and- or ever, nothing happened that needs to be talked about. You know where we are Seth, and you know what can happen and what can not. So no, there is nothing weird because as far as I know, nothing happened.” he said as firmly as someone who does_ not _believe what he is saying could as he leaned closer, blowing smoke on Seth’s face and pressing their foreheads together for a few breaths._

_Blue eyes were mesmerized by the sight of the slight part of bitten lips as Seth inhaled the smoke through his mouth and nostrils, holding it in for a while, not letting go. Dean wasn’t sure if it was intentional or not but the view made him shiver. A brief flash of hurt crossed the brown orbs inches away from his._

_Dean felt himself sag at that, his tone surprisingly tender as he laid a shaky hand on his friend’s knee and tapped his fingertips against the bone anxiously. “You understand that, right Seth?“_

_He sighed as Seth gasped and flinched away, ending all physical contact between them. His gaze, however, stayed fixed on his for a moment before he averted it to his lap as his hands fidgeted. Dean reached out again and pushed gently with a finger under his chin to encourage him to look up. When he did, he placed the stick between Seth’s lips and patted his cheek twice._

_Seth took his turn with the joint, smoke dancing around the room and setting a strange atmosphere. A grimace, almost a sheepish smile twisted his features as he mouthed something silently in the air._

_“I-I liked it.“ he stammered, his voice so soft Dean had to make an effort to hear him as his shoulders hunched over and he became smaller. “You know, the other things-, the things before- they just_ never _happened but fuck, Dean,_ that _was different.“ Again his lips moved after a pause but no sound came out._

_“When we picked-, dude. Never had a chick ask for tha- you know, before, and it was just a game because we’d fooled around before but still- fuck…“ a gulp and more fidgeting, his knees drawing up to his chest as he rested his chin on them. His words tripped over themselves in rapid succession, like he was unable to contain them. When Seth stopped to take another deep drag from the cylinder, Dean felt his own heart trip over itself in turn and a spark of interest grow uncomfortably between his legs. He wouldn't allow himself to admit out loud that he liked it too, that he liked it too much and wanted more. Had he been an honest man, he would admit in his own thoughts that said spark hadn’t really died down since that day. Or since the first time that whatever the fuck had happened._

_Certainly, something had changed that day and Dean was afraid it would fuck up their chemistry and even their careers. Yet how could it be that he’d never felt it buzz so strongly? Why couldn’t his body just ignore Seth?_

_Dean wasn’t even able to try and stop him from continuing because he was taken over by shock, and there was no way he would allow himself a moment to admit what he knew needed to be buried._

_“I just can’t get it out of my head dude. I swear I fucking want to but I can’t.“ Seth peeked up at him and the corners of his lips twisted into an awkward smile as he handed the joint over to Dean. “Whenever I think of it-“ he sat up a bit straighter and gestured towards his shorts, chuckling bitterly, looking impossibly self-conscious. “Can’t lie to you dude, I-I… just can’t stop it. Can’t even look at you, be around you or wrestle you ‘cause I know I’m gonna fucking embarrass myself. Y’know,_ that _, that’s different from the other things that hap- that never happened.“ he corrected himself quickly._

_“Seth…“ Dean tried to interrupt him but his friend wouldn’t let him._

_“And I know I shouldn’t, but I fucking liked it and- fuck it, I_ want _more of that.” he facepalmed and snorted. “Fuck, dude. Just from telling you this I feel my balls hurt and I’m not even into guys. I-I’m losing my fucking mind and don’t know what the fuck to do about it. How the fuck do I deal with it?“ despair and something that sounded like exhaustion broke his nasal voice._

_“Jerking off 'till it hurts doesn’t help. Fucking whoever I can on a daily basis doesn’t help. Drugs and booze don’t help.“ he leaned back against the pillows propped on the headboard and slowly stretched his legs, spreading them apart slightly. “And certainly being around you, wrestling you or sitting on my fucking bed with a joint mere inches away don’t help either.“ It was strange, the combination of despair, amusement and shame emanating from Seth that wasn't enough to mask whatever the hell was going on between them._

_Perhaps trying to make a point, Seth stared at him as he slid a hand to the front of his own shorts to cup and gently squeeze the obvious bulge there as if to make a point, his eyes sliding shut and his lips breathed a shaky sigh. “I. Just. Can’t.“ a soft gasp as he removed his hand from his crotch and proceeded to punch the mattress furiously. “I’m going crazy. And fuck-“ he looked away, shame apparently being too much to handle as it hit him full force. “Fuck, now I’m making things even weirder. I never wanted this to happen and now I fucked up. Fuck I’m so fucking sorry dude.“ He hid his face in his hands as he cursed unintelligibly_ _under his breath._

_Dean had lost any ability to function. Apparently, he was only able to gape at Seth and smoke. He shifted uncomfortably and meant to take a deep breath but he was barely able to pant, trying to will his own erection away or at least avoid Seth noticing it. It looked like Seth was in his own world and had even forgotten Dean was there._

_The only small corner of his mind that wasn’t overwhelmed by the undeniable turn-on of the situation kept reminding him that he had to stop Seth. He shouldn’t even be saying such things, Dean had to make him shut up or things would get out of control just because they couldn’t keep their cocks inside their pants._

_Both had to forget about the things that never happened and make sure they never happened again if they valued their careers. Too many risks had been taken in whatever it was they had going on, too many for something that even_ wasn’t _. None could afford another scandal, each for their own reasons._

 _He wanted to un-hear Seth’s words but at the same time, never in his life had just a few guilty sentences, raw and dirty confessions set him on fire in such a way. And while he felt the_ need _to try and fix the situation, to try to make Seth reason and take the guilt off his shoulders, there was nobody there to make_ him _._

_Dean was shocked out of his thoughts as Seth jumped off the bed and started pacing around the room looking for his sneakers. Never left by Dean’s panicked blue gaze, he repositioned himself in his shorts to conceal the still obvious tent on the fabric. “Fuck, sorry Dean, I fucked up. Please forget that I- fuck!! How the fuck am I gonna ask you to forget this? I understand if you’re angry I fucked up I’m so sorr-“_

_“Seth.“ Dean didn’t know where his own voice came from but it sounded foreign to him. “For fuck’s sake just fucking stop it man.“ he begged._

_Seth finally found his shoes and wasn’t even able to tie them on from the way his hands shook. Dean swallowed hard, something clenching painfully in the pit of his stomach. “I shouldn’t have-, I knew I’d fuck up, I knew it. I-I- just please I get it don’t make this more awk-“ he apparently gave up trying to tie his shoes as he just shoved the laces inside them. “I’m gonna go. I get it, dude.“_

_“Seth.“ this time Dean’s voice was louder, commanding but had a hint of desperation he didn’t want to know where it came from. It was enough to make Seth turn around and finally glance at him. “This is your house dude, are you that high?“ he sighed and patted the bed. “C’mere.“ but Seth didn’t move. “You want me to go? This is your room after all.“ he offered the easiest way out._

_Panic widened Seth’s eyes but he still didn’t move or say a word. “It’s okay, I’ll go. Nothing happened, we’re cool, just stop.“ he tried to reassure him with a nervous smile and could clearly see the ‘_ no _’ written on capital letters on Seth’s face. Dean chuckled, more from the effect of the weed than because he found the situation funny, which he didn’t. “If you don’t want me to leave then c’mere.“ he repeated, not really comprehending what he was doing or why._

_Seth visibly hesitated and tilted his head to the side, analyzing Dean, like there was a joke or scheme he was missing. Still, he approached the bed and before any of them could be aware of it, Dean’s body took over his mind as he reached out and yanked him by his tee shirt, making his coworker lose his balance and fall on his face on the bed. “What the fuck do you want? Ya trying to make fun of me now?“ he shouted thrashing around and kicking Dean hard in the ribs as he did so._

_Dean cursed and coughed, trying to get the air back to his lungs. “Fuck you!! Ya see me laughin’? You’re the one making this difficult.“ he hissed as he leaned over Seth’s body and his eyes bore into his friend’s guilty features, but there was no actual anger in him, just whatever it was. And that was scarier._

_He gave up his attempt to stay in control and wished it had been anger once his mouth opened without his permission and fucked things up even more. “But still-“ he chewed on his lip as his eyes hovered over Seth’s dilated pupils and flustered expression, down to his heaving chest before his voice became a low, almost inaudible rasp. “Show me?“ Dean knew he was lost, but it was too late. “Can’t stop either...“ he breathed, gaze back to Seth’s._

_Surprisingly, the response he got from Seth was an anxious laugh. “We are_ so _fucked. Ya really want me to show you what whatever shit we’re into is doing to me?”_

_Dean didn’t reply, he just wrapped a hand around his wrist and tentatively brought it down to his shorts. He slid his palm over Seth's and guided it on top of the stretched fabric, motioning him to start a slow friction on his erection to make his point without words. He gazed at Seth with a raised eyebrow, dizzy and high and barely able to control himself, feeling his skin burn as he sat back and awaited the show he was dying to take a part in._

_As he watched him step out of his shorts, slow and hesitant, Dean could only think that they were so fucked as he did the same while yearning to touch Seth instead. But at that point, he didn’t care, or so he told himself as he watched hypnotized how the brunette made himself comfortable on the bed and started to lightly tease his erection._

_Nothing was happening and nothing would ever happen again._

_You’re_ not _a liar if nobody can call you out for it after all, and Seth couldn’t call him out either._

 

He was falling into a fucking depression, his life and marriage crumbling due to outside pressure, stuff he could do nothing about and the last thing he could handle at the moment was this. Talking about what may or not may have happened outside of their public life, the wrestling business and matches, their rivalries. Anything outside of those was private, and his experiences and feelings were the only thing he could keep to himself, the only real things nobody could twist and throw shit on.

But did he have any privacy at all? Just because he appeared on television a few minutes per week and performed several nights on house shows did it mean he had to be exposed and couldn’t even keep a little part to himself? Wasn’t he allowed to cherish whatever it was that never happened and would never happen again without having to give anyone explanations?

Dean cursed under his breath and raked his fingers obsessively through his messy curls, anxiety making his body shake. Seth seemed to notice and edged a bit closer, still not touching the other as he reached out to carefully remove Dean's hand before he tore the rest of his hair off. “"Duuuude! Karma is a bitch, when I told you that you’d go bald I was half joking.” his tone was light yet nervous and he breathed deeply, Dean quickly catching that he was trying to set an example and help him not fall directly into another panic attack. "Didn't know you were so fucked up, dude. Could've told me."

Dean tried to ignore his words but there was no point in hiding anything from his friend at this point. "Considering talking to someone for help, to be honest." He couldn't be any more honest than that, but if talking it through could bring any of them some comfort, they would have to. And for some reason, he felt a bit better, again able to breathe and function in some capacity.

"Dea-"

"Should we keep drinking? Wanna sit up?" Dean cut him with a shaky voice before Seth could say that he would always listen, he didn't need to hear that. He sat up and didn't need to say more for Seth to understand he'd accepted to talk, but the brunette made no attempt to move anyway from his spot on the mattress, patiently waiting for him to collect himself and start talking.

Dean was at a loss of words for a bit, not knowing how to start, both staring at each other in silence for a bit until he couldn't help it anymore and a bitter laugh broke out of his lips. "Fuck it. Seth, who would've thought our asses would be such a big deal to start with?"

Seth's laugh cut through the air, instantly removing some of the tension hanging around them. "Guess we make a hell of a couple whether we like it or not."

Another breathless chuckle, this time from Dean sounded foreign. “Whatever. Fuck it, c’mere.“ he motioned Seth to come closer. “What d’ya wanna talk about?“

Seth rolled over and sat up, and Dean felt him throw an arm around his neck for a moment to bring him into his shoulder for a quick clumsy hug before warm breath and lips dropped a kiss to the top of his head. What he wasn't expecting was to feel rough hands cupping his face and a shaky smile press against his lips for a kiss for the first time since he told Seth he was marrying Renee. He couldn't help but melt into the touch, shivers running down his body as his hands settled on Seth's knees.

It was gone before he could even enjoy it. Dean found himself shocked at the realization that he was longing for it but he shot forward and chased his friend's mouth anyway, but Seth didn't allow him to do more than just brush his lips against his.

Silence set in the room for a moment as Seth sat back down again with a thoughtful look Dean knew too well, unconsciously licking his lips. “We have a fucking hell of a lot to talk about don’t ya think?“

And Dean could say that a hell of a lot and more, or just say nothing but it was too late. He couldn’t lie to Seth when he was there ready to call all the truths in his face.

“Remember the first time in FCW?“ the nasal voice started. 

Dean nodded, letting Seth continue taking them back to the start of their story.

He could either tell Renee and hurt her or continue keeping her oblivious to whatever it was that never happened. He didn’t want to lie to her and there was no truth he could tell, because it didn’t belong to her. He loved her with all his being, he truly did. But then there was Seth.

Because you’re not a liar if nobody can call you out on it.

Seth _could_ , but Dean knew he _wouldn’t_ talk about it either with anyone other than him. And he told himself that it was okay to just live it and love it as they had in their own way over the years.

It was their story after all, whatever the hell it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And with this, 'Overwhelmed' and Part 1 of "As Long As We Know The Truth" is over. Thank you SO much for sticking with me and giving this series a chance, I hope I didn't disappoint you ending it like this. But of course there is a reason for it.  
> This series have a continuity, so don't think I left you hanging or didn't want to answer any lingering questions, we still have Part 2 of ALAWKTT for everything to develop in front of our eyes, following up the ending of this every now and then. While they can be read on their own, I believe both are necessary to get the full picture. Plus, you'll find the full scenes from the flashback bits in Part 1 and WAY more that I haven't even hinted here.  
> I can announce now that Part 2 will be called 'Our Story, Whatever It Is' (it was easy to see it coming) and from all the flashbacks and situations we've seen so far you can safely assume that in OSWII we'll go back in time and revisit how we got to this point. If everything goes well, the first chapter will be up before the middle of December at the latest.  
> Remember you can always subscribe to the series if you want to be notified with OSWII.
> 
> But enough about what's coming and more about what we just read. What did you think of this chapter? Of the whole story? Can't Dean catch a break? Is there more than these guys aren't telling us? How did it feel to get some further insight from Seth? Is Dean so far gone that he's unable to react and assume the consequences of his actions, both past and present?  
> I would continue asking you questions, but more than anything I want to know how you felt about this. Loved it, liked it, hated it? Let me know! I always love feedback and sparking conversations with others so feel free to either comment or message me via Tumblr if you have any questions or just want to talk :)
> 
> Thank you very much for giving this story and my writing a chance. I'll see you all very soon!
> 
> EDIT: I added a little timeline with the dates where all the flashbacks in this story take place for it to make sense, which you can find here:  
> https://besaster.tumblr.com/post/167668419366/the-funniest-most-frustrating-thing-about


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